


dreams do come true

by mixtape1



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Confessions, Language of Flowers, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-13 22:11:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19260151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mixtape1/pseuds/mixtape1
Summary: So Hyunjin suffered in silence and fell for other people, hoping it would help get rid of the crush (it was deeper than that, he knew) on his best friend.In the end, they stayed temporary while what he felt for Seungmin never went away.-or: hyunjin gets crushes easily but will always be in love with seungmin, his best friend and he tells them through the language of flowers.





	dreams do come true

**Author's Note:**

> i must be out of my mind

Hyunjin gets an epiphany. It’s not really an epiphany per se, more like an idea. Though it’s such a good idea that he wouldn’t mind using a big word to describe it, even if it’s wrong. 

What really matters is his idea. 

His second year in university is coming to an end as February quickly approaches. That doesn’t really bother him, but there _is_ something he’d like to do before the school year finishes. 

There’s only so little time before they (he) get busier and he’d like to… well, Hyunjin isn’t quite sure what he wants to do. Other than the very vague idea he has in mind, he hasn’t thought far enough to find out what happens after. 

Which is fine, he’s fine. 

There’s nothing to lose. 

(Hopefully.)

It’s currently 8pm, he has all the time in the world. 

So he hides his browser, puts on a hoodie and runs. 

The idea is obviously, not to go on a random evening jog. It’s much more meaningful and less challenging than that. 

From his very small knowledge of the public library nearby, it closes at 9pm, so he can make it. 

Despite knowing that, Hyunjin speeds things up anyway, fueled by a type of determination he wishes he could have for his assignments. 

Alas, some things take more motivation. 

Oh well.

All the time in the world, remember?

The moment he steps into the spacious place with books in every corner and open space in the building - a whole five storeys, he’s panting and sweating like he’d just run a marathon and not a few hundred meters. 

His entrance is so dramatic the few people (students, he assumes) stop their work just to stare at him. 

Hyunjin is _so_ glad Seungmin doesn’t come to this library. 

After just standing at the door half bent, trying to catch his breath, he recovers and walks aimlessly towards random shelves. 

As much as he loves books, reading and writing, he doesn’t frequent libraries often. It’s a petty reason, but Hyunjin would rather buy and keep the books he wants than return them. He wants to have the memory of reading and enjoying every word - every line, somewhere. 

A physical reminder. 

(And the only library he would actively visit is hours away, so.) 

Seungmin always tells him it’s a waste of money whenever he visits, but Hyunjin doesn’t really care. He works enough to make up for the loss anyway. 

Somehow, he manages to locate the shelf he’s looking for and starts browsing. 

There have to be about thousands of books on the same topic but Hyunjin picks out the first book that catches his eye, flips a few pages and heads to the librarian. 

He doesn’t have the time to cross-refer to ten other books from different publishers. 

( _What happened to having all the time in the world?_ A voice that sounds like Seungmin in his head teases. 

_Be quiet_. He tells himself.) 

The librarian scans the barcode, eyeing him down and Hyunjin gets it. He doesn’t look like someone who’d be interested in flowers and he isn’t but a man has to do what a man has to do. 

Which is to carry out his weird and very spontaneous idea.

Honestly, he knows he doesn’t even look like someone who’d end up majoring in writing. The first time Seungmin saw him with a book, he’d looked so shocked Hyunjin laughed until tears formed. 

(“You actually read those?” 

“Seungmin, you should come over sometime. You’d probably pass out.”) 

Instead of that, Hyunjin was greeted with stars in the other’s eyes as he scanned every book on the three shelves he managed to squeeze in his then tiny room. 

They were _tall_ , by the way. 

And maybe, since then, Seungmin saw Hyunjin in a different light. 

(Vice versa.)

“Your card please.” The librarian clears her throat, forcing Hyunjin out of his little trip down memory lane. 

He fumbles, slightly embarrassed he started reminiscing right in front of her and manages to pull out his ID without any more trouble. 

“Sorry,” he apologizes, head bowed as she curtly nods. 

She stamps the due date, 28 February, and Hyunjin snorts internally. 

Although, not as internal as he must’ve thought because the old lady who must be terribly tired of him raises an eyebrow at the noise he lets out.

“Sorry.” He repeats. 

Without any other exchange of words, she hands him his ID and the book and Hyunjin almost bolts out. 

But he doesn’t, because he’s a cool guy and he is most definitely not embarrassed. 

On the walk back (yes, walk) Hyunjin considers opening the book titled ‘Flowers for Dummies!’ and starting on his research but it’s dark and he doesn’t want to end up with bad eyesight like Seungmin. 

Not that having to wear glasses is bad, in his case since he looks incredibly cute. Hyunjin just finds them a pain. 

On him, only on him. 

(Seungmin should wear his glasses out more often, though that’d be bad on his heart.)

Anyway, he quickly forgets about reading the book in darkness and instead, ponders about his idea turned plan. 

Five flowers. 

It’s Sunday, and suddenly he can’t wait for Wednesday to come. 

Hyunjin does a happy hop halfway through his trek (it really is) home and turns around, hoping no one saw that. 

(There’s nobody there, like he wanted but the empty street starts to freak him out so he dashes home, despite being completely against it earlier.)

Five flowers. 

He hums.

 

* * *

_**i. friendship, innocence** _

Even though he’s a writing major, he’s allowed to take any elective module that’s not related to it. Hyunjin has never been so grateful for this system.

It’s the reason he met his first crush in university, after all.

Felix Lee.

They take the same dance module, and it wasn’t like he fell for the Australian immediately. 

In fact, Hyunjin kind of hated Felix for a little while. 

Of course, him being well - himself, he was quick to one sided hatreds. 

(As quick as he was to one sided crushes.)

Soon, that hatred dissolved as he grew closer to Felix and getting to know him played a role in Hyunjin’s small crush. 

He was just so _strange_. Not because he was a foreigner, he just acted so much like his age that it was like a breath of fresh air. 

From teaching Hyunjin what memes were, to bursting out into laughter at random times during sessions, to getting yelled at by their lecturer-cum-instructor. It all felt like a fantasy and with Felix, he felt alive. 

Giving people energy was (is) a thing he’s known for. And Hyunjin is the main recipient, being the closest to him in their module. 

Not to mention, Felix is incredibly funny, and the way to a man’s heart (in his case) is his _lungs_. The lack of ability to breathe from wheezing so hard is always a way for Hyunjin to find out whether they’re compatible. 

But after getting to really know him, the crush fizzled out into nothing but platonic love and he considers Felix one of his closer friends in university. 

Dance lessons are never the same without him. 

 

Hence, that Wednesday morning, right after their class Hyunjin hands him a _yellow freesia_ with a smile. 

Felix eyes the flower with confusion, clearly not sure what to do with it, making Hyunjin laugh. 

His eyes travel to the variety of flowers he has left, and he raises a brow. 

“Are those for me too or…” Felix asks, in a way that causes Hyunjin to laugh harder. 

“You already know.” He answers as his own eyes scan the array of flowers he has and focusing on the one that shines the brightest. 

Patting his back, Felix smiles though small, it’s genuine. “All the best.” He says, still smiling while staring at the freesia in his hand as he walks away. 

Hyunjin is happy. 

He walks to his next destination, ignoring the strange glances people give him and his messy bouquet of different colours. 

One down, four more to go. 

 

_**ii. admiration, adoration** _

Seo Changbin.

Though he never properly entered Hyunjin’s life, he always seemed to be there. His presence especially made known on Wednesdays. 

They don’t have any modules together, he’s actually in Seungmin’s studio photography one. Unlike his best friend however, Changbin doesn’t have any interest in anything related to cameras - he just wants his credit. 

That was the first thing Seungmin had said to Hyunjin about him, giving him the worst yet most hilarious first impression, much to Seungmin’s displeasure. 

Meeting the legend himself for the first time could have been one of the reasons why his crush even happened. 

Surprise didn’t cut it. 

He was waiting for Seungmin outside his classroom, (Hyunjin would then find out this would become routine) because he happened to be free and he _knew_ who Changbin was the moment he stepped out.

Although he had never even seen the guy before, it was like Changbin had a neon sign attached to his head that screamed, ‘It’s me, the guy who doesn’t give a shit!’. 

The guy who didn’t give a shit was nothing like Hyunjin had imagined, based off what Seungmin had told him. 

Firstly, he expected some bad boy type of person, which made him giggle because Seungmin would _never_ interact with somebody like that. Secondly, he wasn’t expecting somebody shorter than him. 

Which is, of course, not all too common but come on - Hyunjin had his stereotypes. 

Lastly, he hadn’t expected to see Changbin for the first time, acting cute right in front of a very annoyed, but amused Seungmin. 

It was almost as if this guy could tell the different types of expectations Hyunjin had subconsciously placed on him and decided that he’d crush all of them in one go. 

When Seungmin had spotted Hyunjin, mouth probably agape, his face immediately brightened up at the excuse to run away from Changbin’s cooing noises. 

When they were introduced to one another, Hyunjin, for some stupid reason lost his words and stammered out his name. 

Perhaps it was because Changbin had been charming and still is, or maybe it was because he just couldn’t function around a cute but obviously cool guy. 

_Perhaps_ , Hyunjin was just a fool. 

If Seungmin had noticed the way he froze up, he never said anything. 

After that, they would always get lunch together and despite the fact that they were a trio, it never felt like anybody was left out.

At least, that’s what he liked to think.

Somewhere along the line, as they kept hanging out, Hyunjin grew fonder of Changbin, and loved how unfunny he was. 

The more he found out about him, the harder it was.

But of course, he’s Hwang Hyunjin and Hwang Hyunjin doesn’t do shit. 

So he kept silent about his crush, never once letting it slip. 

If he had stars in his eyes whilst watching Changbin show them a rap he was working on, he was certain nobody but him knew. 

And eventually, somehow, Hyunjin let go.

It wasn’t all too surprising, considering his history of falling in and out of love incredibly fast. 

Still, it was fun, liking Changbin. 

 

Looking back at it now, as he waits outside the familiar door, he wonders what blinded him.

The charisma, probably. 

He laughs behind his hand, amused by his own fickle mind. 

The moment the time displayed on his phone hits 11:00, the door swings open. 

Their lecturer always loved to release them right on the dot. 

Students spare Hyunjin no second glances, as they walk past, immune to him by now. 

Careful to avoid Seungmin, he grabs Changbin by the arm and shoves him past a corner. 

“What are you doing?” He gets asked, by a flustered Changbin who still manages to look adorable with an edge of confusion in his tone. 

“Here,” Hyunjin doesn’t answer, because he doesn’t quite know himself and passes the _light red carnation_ to the man in front of him.

“Huh?” Changbin intelligently squeaks out. “For me?” 

Hyunjin rolls his eyes, no matter how cute he is pointing at himself with wide eyes, he has things to do, places to be. 

“Yes, you. See you next week! Do me a favour and tell Seungmin I’m not eating with you guys.” 

He’s already jogging towards the music department, Changbin be damned. 

Fickle indeed. 

Two down, three more to go. 

 

_**iii. integrity, infatuation** _

The next person he’s going to give a flower to is someone whom Hyunjin isn’t close to. 

They’ve never had a proper face to face conversation in months, at the very most they greet each other when they spot one another. 

He hasn’t even followed Hyunjin back on Instagram. 

(Which he is absolutely _not_ bothered by, to this day.)

The first impression he had gotten of Han Jisung was that he was sociable. 

Almost too sociable. 

It was at some camp all second years were required to attend. Being a three days two nights camp, Hyunjin had dreaded it, though not as much as Seungmin. 

Being out in the wilderness was something neither of them particularly found joy in, and they even planned on skipping, if not for the extra credit they’d receive. 

On the last day, Hyunjin had ended up showering in a cubicle away from the people in his major, due to the fact that was a very big roach on the floor in the stall next to his friends.

That insect being the reason why he ended up in the middle of two people having a loud conversation. 

As Hyunjin shampooed his hair and washed his body, they would not stop. It was almost like they were experts at multitasking. 

He hadn’t really minded, not paying any attention to what they were saying anyway. All he wanted to do was get washed up, have dinner and find Seungmin so they could tell each other about their day. 

Unfortunately for him, he had finished the same time the other guys had, and when he unlocked the door and stepped out, somebody with blue hair turned around.

“Oh shit, sorry man! Were you listening to us the whole time? Sorry about that.” 

His hair was wet, towel placed over it like he didn’t even try to dry it and he also had the roundest cheeks Hyunjin had ever seen. 

“Don’t worry about it.” He found himself saying, because he wanted the conversation to be over and he just wanted to be with his best friend. 

Also because dinner was next and he didn’t want to be late for that, of all things. 

The two other people with the person he had deemed as blueberry head walked ahead, as instructed (Hyunjin hadn’t even notice the gesture) and the boy himself slowed down to match his pace on the walk back to where the tents were set up.

As if they were long time pals, blueberry head slung his arm around Hyunjin’s shoulder (with great difficulty) and started talking. 

“So, tell me about yourself dude! What’s your name?” He asked, not even looking in Hyunjin’s direction. 

“Um…” He had replied, uncomfortable by the friendliness blueberry head was exhibiting. “Hwang Hyunjin, I major in writing.” 

He added the last part, because he was certain it was going to be another question. 

“Cool, cool. I’m Han Jisung, nice to meet you!” 

It was like Jisung ended all his sentences with exclamation marks. 

Thereafter, Hyunjin found out that Jisung was majoring in music composition, which reminded him of Changbin. 

The walk from the showers to the tent seemed ten times shorter, with Jisung chatting incessentantly. Hyunjin didn’t really mind. 

He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t noticed Jisung on the first day, when everyone was gathered together. 

Still, talking to someone so familairy came as a shock and he ended up half venting to Seungmin that night. 

(“He just came up to me and started asking questions! I bet he won’t even remember my name after this.”

Seungmin had huffed, recounting his own experience with Jisung, although it was much shorter than his own.)

After the camp ended, Hyunjin didn’t really think much about Jisung and his blue hair. 

Fast forward a few months later, he took notice of him again.

This time, he hair was a bright orange, and much longer. It looked good, he had thought. 

It wasn’t his physical appearance that pulled Hyunjin in, however. 

There was another year wide event happening, a talk of sorts. Students were to bring up topics they found worth discussing with the government. In a sense, laws that students thought needed an adjustment to. 

Frankly, he was scared shitless of this talk. Seungmin being the same, to the point he skipped it. 

Things had been going smoothly, not a soul had mentioned what Korea thought about LGBT people, and it felt great to be able to breathe. 

Until some bastard decided it’d be a good idea to choke him. Metaphorically. 

A discussion had then occurred - should same sex marriage be legalized? Hyunjin’s ears burned as he raised his hand when asked who were for the legalization. 

He didn’t dare to turn around and look at people he knew. 

(And in that moment, Hyunjin had wished Seungmin didn’t skip, because then he’d feel less alone.)

They were told to lower their hands, and he slightly regretted making his stand known. 

Unlike him though, somebody spoke up as the minister they were speaking with brought up points on why the government ‘couldn’t’ do anything yet. 

It was Han Jisung. 

(Hyunjin didn’t like assuming people’s sexuality, but when he first saw Jisung, he was sure there was no way someone like him could be straight.)

“Personally, I’ve faced a lot of problems in the past, when I went to an all boys school and dated and subsequently got sent for counselling because they believed I was wrong, _abnormal_.” Jisung had said, confidence dripping from his words and everyone in the room kept silent as he recounted his story. 

The minister indirectly switched the topic after that, but Hyunjin couldn’t keep his eyes of Jisung, who was everything he wasn’t.

Being similar in an aspect with him - having something in _common_ , made Hyunjin a little excited. 

Soon after that talk, he started to become more aware of Jisung. Every time he was walking near the music department, he would keep an eye out for messy orange hair. 

Every time they walked past one another, much to Hyunjin’s joy and the demise of his poor heart which would speed up, they’d wave. 

That made him giddy too. 

The fact that Jisung remembered him.

But the awkward boy he was, he was always wary that he wasn’t the one being waved at, and one day Hyunjin didn’t return the greeting. 

Jisung’s friends laughed at him, and Hyunjin shamelessly whined and complained to Seungmin about his stupidity. 

(“There was nobody else around, you really are useless.” 

“ _I know_.”) 

Thankfully, the next time they ran into each other, Hyunjin got the message, and bravely waved back. 

The grin that he received in return was blinding. 

But as Hyunjin is Hyunjin, as much as someone he has never spoken to more than twice is still essentially an acquaintance at best, the crush remained unchanging. 

It eventually died down, especially after seeing Jisung never followed him back. It wasn’t like he could’ve missed Hyunjin seeing as he had to accept his request. So he moped about it to Seungmin (again) and got over it and him two months later. 

The time spent chasing after a light that would never shine on him was thrilling, so Hyunjin doesn’t regret falling like an idiot. 

They still haven’t talked after that one time in camp, and he’s content with that. Greeting each other is enough. 

(Never look directly at light, they always say.) 

 

Now, Hyunjin is not a stalker, he just happens to know where Jisung will be around this timing on Wednesdays because Seungmin and him walk Changbin to class. 

And that’s how he got so many opportunities to see Jisung. 

So he leans against the wall, right in the hallway where Hyunjin knows he’ll walk past. 

While waiting, he twirls the flower in his hand, half thinking of what to say and half not thinking at all. 

When he hears chatter, Hyunjin is certain his next victim is here.

Trying his best to look as natural as possible (as much as you can get holding a single flower, standing in the middle of an empty hallway), he runs a hand through his hair. 

If Seungmin could see him now, he’d get teased to hell and back. 

“Hyunjin!” 

He hears him before he sees him, which is a first. Most of the time, they greet each other silently. This is the first time Jisung has said his name. 

Jogging slightly, he leaves his two friends (the ones Hyunjin can recognize by now) and waves. 

“What brings you here? Changbin isn’t with you.” Jisung notes, peering behind him anyway, like he’s expecting to get a surprise attack. “Your other friend - the one with a cute smile isn’t here either.” 

Hyunjin _loathes_ how his heart jumps when Jisung mentions cute smile. 

(Because he’s right - he’s so right.) 

“I’m here to see you, actually.” 

This is a product of planning ahead. 

Jisung looks so genuinely surprised it’s endearing. 

“Me?” He points to himself (is it a music major thing?) turning around to signal his friends like he’d just won the lottery. 

One of them laughs, and the laugh itself is hilarious. 

They don’t walk any closer though, which Hyunjin is grateful for. 

He nods, causing Jisung to tilt his head and put his hands on his hips. 

“What could the writing major possibly want from me?” He laughs at his own joke(?), and if he weren’t so cute with his cheeks Hyunjin would’ve rolled his eyes. 

He passes the _gladiolus_ flower to Jisung, whose eyes widen and expression changes so drastically it’s amusing. 

“We don’t speak a word to each other and you’re already in love with me?” 

Jisung really never shuts up, does he. 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. See you around, blueberry head.” Hyunjin chuckles to himself for ever liking Jisung and ruffles his hair on the way out of the building. 

A distant “it’s not even blue anymore!” can be heard but he’s too busy laughing into the back of his palm to bother. 

It’s freeing. 

Three down, two more to go. 

 

 _ **iv. trust, remembrance**_

Some time during the second semester, writing majors are required to choose a new module they’ll take for a year. 

It’s strange, since normally new year long modules begin from the start but Hyunjin doesn’t complain. 

He chooses a module that focuses on writing books for children.

Even though he’s not all that keen on focusing on storybooks for kindergarteners in the future, branching out isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as Seungmin would always say. 

And again, it’s not a bad decision as Hyunjin gained a new crush. 

Some may have called it a baby crush, because the person he fell for this time was a year younger than him. 

Why he’s taking the module as people in their first year? Hyunjin will never know but he’s thankful because that’s how he made another close friend.

On the first day, somebody dressed in a pastel pink hoodie sat next to him and he had almost rolled his eyes because pink is a terrible choice.

(Unless it’s Seungmin’s wearing the colour but everybody else? Not valid.)

And oh, how wrong he was because the person who took the seat next to him had poked his arm, like he was afraid and Hyunjin’s heart had melted when he turned to face his poker. 

_Adorable_ , was the first word that he had thought of. 

Perfectly lined teeth that couldn’t have been natural, dimples that made up half his features and eyes with stars in them. 

Yang Jeongin was (still is) the definition of cute and he was owning it. 

Their lecturer wasn’t even there yet, but he leaned in close and whispered anyway, “This is the children storybook writing module right?” 

His voice.

Hyunjin had been plenty biased, because nobody and he means _nobody_ could ever beat Seungmin’s honey sweet vocals but Jeongin definitely shot up to second place easily. 

“Y-Yeah,” he ended up stuttering which was so embarrassing, although Jeongin hadn’t seemed to pay that any mind as he closed his hand (oh- his fingers were pretty) and did some victory action while hissing, “yes!”

Stuck between wanting to laugh and judge, Hyunjin merely kept a straight face, prompting Jeongin to introduce himself. 

“Oh right,” he had bashfully squeaked out, ruffling his own hair. “I’m Yang Jeongin, I major in early childhood education!” 

Smiling brightly as he said the last part, Hyunjin’s heart left the building. 

“I’m Hwang Hyunjin, majoring in writing and it seems like this module is a combination of our majors.” 

With the literal smiling machine next to him, Hyunjin had found it hard to contain his own grin and from that point onwards, he vowed to protect Jeongin. 

Despite the feeling he harboured for Jeongin being more akin to paternal love, Hyunjin was certain romantic feelings were involved. 

Every week, when they’d see each other it was like he was falling deeper, getting swept off his feet and rendered speechless at every little thing Jeongin did. 

He was so endearing Hyunjin found it hard to function at times. Not to mention, they became partners for many pair work assigned, and it was harder to ignore the growing feelings. 

Feelings which were definitely _not_ paternal love. 

It was the first time he’d daydreamed about wanting to kiss one of his short term crushes. 

Hilarious, how fucked he was when it came to Jeongin, even though they hadn’t known each other for long.

All he wanted to do was hold his hand, pull him into his lap and cuddle him instead of write children stories. 

Hanging out alone in their own apartments was a constant struggle for Hyunjin’s poor heart. 

But he had self control, and he would never do anything to Jeongin without his permission. 

They grew closer and faster than anybody Hyunjin was friends with and it was almost scary, how well they worked together. 

The time spent with Seungmin and the time he spent with Jeongin were almost similar at that point, and he saw Seungmin everyday, even on weekends. 

More than once, he had to cancel on Seungmin because of his work with Jeongin. He felt bad, always felt bad when he hung out with Jeongin after cancelling last minute on his best friend. 

On those days, he could never concentrate and that made him feel even worse. 

Jeongin never minded, instead he’d suggest some other thing to do - like making pancakes at 11pm, or going on a walk at 3am. 

Staying over at his place, and vice versa had also became routine. 

Hyunjin believed (believes) they were (are) soulmates. 

Although he was never one to make a move, especially on the people he knew he wouldn’t like after a while, it happened anyway. 

In December, when they were tasked to finish up a storybook, worth twenty pages, they decided that they could always do it the next day. 

So they stopped work, and relaxed on the sofa while watching Christmas movies. 

(It was nowhere close to the 25th, but Jeongin insisted.)

Due to the cold, they ended up huddling, and Hyunjin’s lap was occupied by a human sized fox. 

It was comfortable, and he’d never had this type of physical affection often, since Seungmin usually ran away from his hugs. 

Which he understood, his best friend wasn’t okay with that and that was okay. 

But Hyunjin is a natural cuddler, so finally having someone he can pour his affections onto almost everyday is a whole new and wonderful world. 

Even though Jeongin tries to escape, he knows that he’s not like Seungmin and that he loves the attention. 

“Isn’t that right, Jeongin?” Hyunjin had asked, chin resting on his shoulder, arms wrapped tightly around his waist. 

“Eh?” Jeongin mumbled, less like a question and more like a noise of acknowledgement that he had no idea what Hyunjin was talking about. 

Instead of explaining, he simply hummed and pulled Jeongin closer. 

Although it wasn’t like this was something only lovers did, it felt so intimate it might as well have been. Just cuddling while watching a movie, even though his attention was anywhere but on the screen. 

And apparently, he wasn’t the only one distracted. 

Jeongin had turned around, properly straddling Hyunjin and his breath hitched, heart racing.

That had been way too bold for his liking. 

Neither of them had said a word, the movie playing in the background sounded like static to Hyunjin and all he could hear was the incessant thudding of his heart against his ribcage. 

Praying Jeongin couldn’t tell how nervous he was at the sight of his crush _right_ in front of him, he had opted to take control of the situation.

Obviously, that meant trying to be cool and wrapping his arms back around Jeongin’s waist and trying not to scream at the even smaller distance between them. 

It was almost funny how he was the reason for his own downfall. 

(Not that he regretted it that much, at that point in time.)

“Hi,” Jeongin had spoken up first, breaking the not-silence. 

“Hi.” Hyunjin had responded, accidentally breathing out and onto Jeongin’s face in the process. “Sorry,” he tried to apologize, but ended up laughing. 

That was how they ended up giggling for a solid two minutes at their - mostly Hyunjin’s, inability to be smooth. 

“You’re cute,” he whispered, once they had finally calmed down. 

By then, the movie had long finished. The silence was filled by Hyunjin’s annoying heartbeat that was going at an abnormal pace again and he really hoped the darkness fully concealed how scared he was.

Then, Jeongin did the unexpected. 

He cupped Hyunjin’s face, and looked - looked, at him.

At that time, he wondered if Jeongin could see his fear, could see how a part of him wanted to push him off and run away. Hyunjin wondered if he could see that the person he loved ( _loves_ ) wasn’t there. 

If he did, he never said anything, simply waiting. 

Waiting for permission and Hyunjin was starstruck.

“You’re way too nice to me, Jeongin.”

Jeongin made a face, the one where his eyes grew big and it showed the world just how pretty and honest they were and his eyebrows did _that_ , making him look like an abandoned puppy and honestly - how could Hyunjin resist?

So he held his breath, thought an empty apology and grabbed the hand on still cupped against his cheek. 

Lacing their fingers together, Hyunjin felt Jeongin’s other hand freeze and he giggled again.

From the distance between them, he could feel the pout that formed. 

Ba thump.

“Can I…?” 

Hyunjin couldn’t remember who asked, but permission was granted and they met each other halfway. His eyes had fluttered shut the moment lips were on his.

Ba thump. Ba thump.

And they melted against one another, soft kisses continuing as seconds, minutes ticked by. They separated, only to get air and returned to their respective places (lips on lips, fingers intertwined, an arm around a neck, face cradled by a hand) and the cycle continued. 

It felt as if his heart was going to fall out. 

The kiss - kisses, felt so right but so _wrong_ at the same time. 

They didn’t stop despite being well aware of that fact. 

When they went to bed with red lips, red eyes and newfound knowledge on a human’s average lung capacity, they were breathless - speechless. 

Nobody said a thing. 

How could they?

So they went to sleep, arms wrapped around one another, knowing they’d never be the same. 

(Both had wished a tomorrow would never come, hoping the day would repeat itself instead.

Tomorrow came, and their lives changed.)

 

The morning, or rather - early afternoon, had been awkward.

They ate breakfast (brunch?) in complete silence, both of them knowing they’d have to talk about it eventually but not wanting to speak up.

Hyunjin, even more so with his very massive problem.

And Jeongin was always more mature than him in situations like these which was why it shouldn’t have been a surprise when he put down spoon and looked Hyunjin straight in the eye.

“You like me.”

Yet it was - and he choked on his cereal. 

A sigh from across the table and Hyunjin nervously looked at Jeongin, noting how _tired_ he looked and bit his lip. 

“I-” He had started, despite not knowing what to say and was effectively cut off by somebody who did. 

“But I’m not the one in your heart.” Jeongin commented, keeping eye contact. It had been almost scary how it was as if he could read Hyunjin’s mind. 

The urge to deny what was mentioned had been strong, because if he did, that would mean whatever he had with Jeongin would’ve been a mistake. 

(It wasn’t.)

Desperately searching for the proper words to say, Hyunjin dug his nails into his thighs, irritated by his own inability to speak. 

He could feel Jeongin’s eyes on him, never once looking away and although it was a powerful gaze, Hyunjin knew - even with his eyes transfixed on his lap, that it was also an understanding one. 

Time stood still for what felt like an hour and as different words, apologies, _excuses_ swarmed his mind. 

And then, he gave up trying to sound right.

“Yeah,” He finally breathed out, sitting up straight and face to face with the problem at hand. “I’m sorry.” 

The smile Jeongin gave him, was the saddest one Hyunjin had ever seen come from him.

“But,” He continued, because he couldn’t just leave it at that. “I did have feelings for you, and every second I spent with you made me happy. Thank you.” 

Silence.

Hyunjin held his breath as he watched Jeongin’s smile drop. 

“I know.”

Tension loomed in the air, suffocating him. He didn’t know how to respond. 

Jeongin leaned back in his chair - causing Hyunjin to lean forward in a subconscious attempt to remain the close distance they had, and spoke. 

“You made me happy too.” Jeongin had said and this time, the grin he flashed Hyunjin was the one he was used to. It was genuine, and he didn’t deserve it. 

Jeongin’s eyes contained a galaxy of stars, and he realized too late that they were shining for him.

(Or maybe he knew, like how Jeongin had _known_ , but couldn’t give up on the one he truly loves.)

“I don’t deserve you,” Hyunjin whispered, voice cracking and only then noticing how he was on the verge of tears. “I would give you the world, but I can’t.”

“You’re so dramatic.” 

He had blinked, causing tears to fall into his cereal, confusion evident.

“What?” 

The sound of a chair scraping against the tile echoed throughout the quiet living room but it didn’t register until Hyunjin felt arms around his neck and something resting on top of his head. 

Jeongin. 

“This isn’t the end of _us_ , unless you want it to be. It’s just the end of something that was never supposed to happen.” 

At that, words that were filled with more sincerity than Hyunjin could ever muster no matter how much he tried, he turned his chair to properly face Jeongin. 

He pulled him closer, burying his face into Jeongin’s shirt. Ugly sobbing had ensued, gentle hands rubbing his back and hair and Hyunjin wondered how he ever got so lucky to meet somebody like Jeongin. 

After crying his eyes out to the point his throat was dry and hurting, Hyunjin let go of Jeongin’s shirt and took a deep breath.

“I want _us_ to stay.”

Both of them knew, without clarification that ‘us’ meant ‘our friendship’ and nothing more. 

Jeongin squatted down, hoping to be on eye level with Hyunjin but ended up being shorter so he got off his chair and sat on the floor.

They had ended up sitting there, holding hands, letting everything sink in.

If Jeongin had cried that day, Hyunjin never knew. 

But the words that he said as Hyunjin left, would stay with him forever. 

(“You were my first kiss, you know? It was better than anything I’d ever imagined - thank you for everything.” 

Everything meant everything that happened on impulse that night. Everything meant Hyunjin opening his heart to Jeongin. Everything meant the love Jeongin had felt. Everything hurt.)

 

Now, months later, their friendship has remained the same. They do cuddle and hug, but never further than that as promised. Hyunjin does treasure Jeongin more now, especially after what happened and every time he has problems, he’s the first person he goes to. 

(Except when it came to problems related to Seungmin, because he isn’t enough of an asshole to talk about his long time crush with the boy who had liked him.)

Every Wednesdays, after Hyunjin’s afternoon classes, they’d meet up at a cafe to talk. Mainly just to catch up, and discuss how they’d approach the next chapter in their children’s book writing module. 

Seeing Jeongin once a week was the bare minimum. He had to release stress somehow, after all. 

The moment he enters, he spots the freshly dyed mop of red hair immediately, he sticks out like a sore thumb. 

“Hey,” Hyunjin greets as he pulls the chair out from where it’s tucked neatly under the table at their usual spot. 

Jeongin doesn’t even look up from his phone as he replies with a simple, “Hello.” 

Rolling his eyes at the lack of attention and enthusiasm, Hyunjin sticks the small bunch of blue forget-me-nots right between his face and phone. 

This finally manages to grab his attention. 

Appreciation is not the first thing out of Jeongin’s mouth, much to Hyunjin’s displeasure. 

Instead, he goes, “You have to be kidding,” in a tone that sounds more like disbelief than irritation. 

At first, Hyunjin thinks he’s annoyed because of how cliche flower giving is, but that hypothesis leaves the chat as soon as Jeongin continues. 

“ _Forget-me-nots_? We’re not in a love story,” He huffs, eyes shining despite his words and Hyunjin is fond. “But I’ll take them.” 

Plucking the small bouquet from his hand and staring at it like it’s something precious, Jeongin’s eyes start to sparkle. 

And from where Hyunjin is standing, it’s the cutest thing in the world. 

But maybe not the _cutest_ since that title already belongs to somebody else but second place. Probably.

Still, he’s surprised. 

“You’re not supposed to know what the flowers are.” 

Jeongin raises an eyebrow at him, expression blank, making Hyunjin look like a fool. 

“I help out at my grandmother’s shop,” he picks up the flowers from where they’re carefully placed on the table and waves them around, “you know that.”

Oh.

Right. 

How could he have forgotten the fact that Jeongin is literally a flower child. 

Then, realization comes. 

In a very sad attempt to save himself, he hides the last flower behind his back but Jeongin is already smirking. 

“Is that for _'most adorable smile in the world'_?” 

Hyunjin groans. 

The only reason why Jeongin teases him for that is because he had been scrolling on Instagram as they were hanging out when a post by Seungmin came through. 

He had thrown his phone (onto the sofa) and silently screamed and _then_ wheezed a “he has the most adorable smile in the world,” out. 

Jeongin had found his little outburst hilarious, and this was when they had become more comfortable with each other again and never let Hyunjin live it down. 

They never outright talk about Seungmin, but again, it didn’t take very long for Jeongin to find out who the person who had captured his heart from the start was.

“I can’t believe you’re that cheesy,” Jeongin begins again, openly having a blast with the opportunity to tease him. “Also can’t believe you didn’t think to look for me when you thought of this idea.” 

Pouting, he crosses his arms trying to look upset but it’s just cute so Hyunjin laughs, attracting the attention of many other customers. 

This time, it’s Jeongin who giggles as he bows to the people who glared at him, putting his hand up in apology. 

“Brat.” 

“Not my fault you’re literally a loser who’s still standing up.” 

Immediately, Hyunjin checks his phone.

5:44pm. 

Seungmin’s last class ends at six, he has 15 minutes to run back to school. 

“As much as I’d like to sit down after having stood here for like ten minutes, I made Seungmin promise we’d go home together.” He explains so fast it almost sounds like a rap. 

Jeongin, accommodating as ever, nods and smiles. 

“See you later,” he waves and does a heart with his arms. “Thanks for the flowers, you’re a nice memory too.”

Hyunjin feels his gaze soften and he grins. 

“You too, love you, bye!” 

On the walk back to the university which is a stone’s throw away from the cafe, he can’t stop smiling. 

A giant weight he never realized was there feels lifted off his shoulders.

_Remembering good memories._

 

 _ **v.**_

When he makes it back, having speed walked the whole time (something he rarely does) he’s a sweaty mess. 

Seungmin is already waiting at the entrance of the university, back leaning against the wall, messing with his phone. 

It’s not the first time he’s seen him today but the sight still makes his heart jump.

He really is a loser. 

Having not thought this far, Hyunjin starts to freak out, realizing the flower he’s going to give Seungmin is exposed and probably on the verge of collapsing. 

Maybe he should ask Seungmin to go back inside? Maybe he can get Seungmin seated somewhere and then he can go show up looking cool with his single flower? 

Maybe he can stop thinking of possibilities and put them into action and _stop_ walking as he’s slowly approaching the entrance. 

By the time he thinks of a plausible plan to prevent Seungmin from noticing, he’s right _in front_ of him. 

What a genius. 

Seungmin immediately puts his phone in his pocket, never being the type to use it when with others and eyes Hyunjin. 

“You look gross.”

How he hasn’t noticed the flower is beyond him but that’s fine - more than fine, really. 

“Thanks, you look stunning.” 

Hyunjin almost chokes at his own words. That wasn’t supposed to come out, it had just been instinct. 

Instinct to respond in his _mind_ , not say it out loud. 

Unlike him, Seungmin is unfazed and places his hands under his bag straps, a sign that they’re moving and now. 

“Where are we going?” He asks as he walks ahead of Hyunjin. 

The thing is, he really hasn’t thought that far. Now he has to come up with a new plan since it’s too late for that other one and he’s not having a good time.

“Um,” he replies, always a great start, as he buys time to rack his brain. “Let’s go to the usual for dinner, then you can stay over at mine.”

(It is only later will Hyunjin realize how bad of an idea that is.)

Seungmin eyes him, head half turned towards him and nods. 

Their ‘usual’ is just a small shop selling Korean food that Seungmin would _die_ for, and they had discovered it three days after Hyunjin moved in to his new and current apartment. 

Because of that, he stays at Hyunjin’s place more times than he stays at his own. 

Not that he’s ever minded. 

The walk there is silent, but it’s their kind of silent. 

It’s comfortable, and they can relax the tough hours from university away just by being in each other’s presence. 

Despite having walked the same route more times than he can count, Seungmin always manages to find something to take a picture of, and Hyunjin finds that impossibly endearing.

Every single time they go to Hyunjin’s neighborhood from the university, a new picture is taken. 

Seungmin finding joy in the smallest of things makes _him_ find joy. Looking at him smile all big with his teeth makes Hyunjin want to crush him in a hug. 

Which he obviously won’t do in public, but how he wishes he could. 

After stopping a few times, they finally make it to the _Stray Eats_ which is an odd name but they’ve grown fond of it, and get a table at the back where they usually sit. 

With Seungmin walking in front of him the whole while, Hyunjin is almost certain (almost since he’s known for being observant) he hasn’t seen the flower. 

“Seungmin! Welcome back, the usual?” The auntie, Mrs. Park, who’ve they come to love for her wonderful home cooked food all but hurries towards them as soon as they’re seated. “You too, dear?” She adds on, eyes finally shifting towards him. 

(Hyunjin doesn’t blame her, he finds it hard to take his attention away from Seungmin too.)

“Yes please, thank you.” Seungmin flashes his award winning smile and Mrs. Park positively _melts_. 

(Again, same.)

Hyunjin laughs out loud, freely because this place might as well be their second home and all the customers are regulars who’re used to his loudness anyway. 

After receiving a glare from Seungmin - who manages to keep it discreet because he’d rather die than ruin his good boy image in front of Mrs. Park, he does the zip motion against his lips and almost starts again when he gets an exaggerated eye roll in return. 

Luckily for him, Mrs. Park doesn’t notice the way they’re communicating without speaking and moves off towards the kitchen to get their orders ready with her husband. 

They’re a cute family, their children helping out every now and then. 

And if they’re lucky, their dog - Minnie (Hyunjin had laughed until his stomach hurt when Mrs. Park told them it was named after Seungmin) will make an appearance. Although he rarely comes since it’d be unhygienic. 

Both of them have volunteered to walk Minnie on multiple occasions, Hyunjin more reluctant because the only puppy he should be interacting with is Kkami but he makes exceptions. 

He wouldn’t miss Seungmin’s expressions for anything when he’s with his ‘twin’. 

By now, Hyunjin probably has a folder full of pictures of Seungmin and Minnie. He looks through it when he’s feeling down - a secret he keeps to himself. 

(It also makes him wonder just how much of a dog person he is, since it’s getting kind of ridiculous.) 

“Earth to Mr. Hwang over there?” Hands fly in front of his face, causing him to blink rapidly and he forgets about the folder he has labelled ‘minx2’ with a sparkly heart emoji. 

“Yup, yup. I’m here, don’t worry.” 

Seungmin doesn’t seem like he believes that for even a second so Hyunjin pinches his cheek, just to prove how present he is. 

“Great, now that I have your attention,” Seungmin places an arm on the table, resting his cheek on the palm of his hand adorably, he gives him a once over. “Why’d you decide to give flowers to all the people you like today?”

Being able to choke on absolutely nothing should be an award he deserves, Hyunjin finds as he starts coughing. 

Damn _minx2 sparkly heart emoji_ for distracting him and causing him to forget what he was even meeting Seungmin today for. 

“I- Uh-” Hyunjin tries to regain his bearings, desperately trying to figure out 100 things at once. “What?” 

Smooth. 

Real smooth. 

Seungmin, always coming to his rescue slides a cup of water across the table (when did he get that?) and watches impassively as he downs it.

And by downing Hyunjin means drinking it slowly so he can form an articulate sentence in his head which can be used in a conversation like this. 

When he puts the cup down, he knows he’s expected to reply but the food saves him as Mrs. Park happily places their plates down. 

“Kimchi fried rice for our Seungmin and Jjajamyeon for Hyunjin, enjoy!” 

They nod and thank her, Hyunjin cheering internally for the distraction and extra thinking time. 

Without bringing it up any further, Seungmin starts eating immediately, always one to show respect for his food. Especially when it's Korean food. 

He notes how Mrs. Park gave him free fried egg again and grins. 

Everybody’s just in love with Seungmin and Hyunjin can relate. 

They’re always quiet at the dinner table, so he relaxes and restarts his thought process. What exactly is he going to say? 

Perhaps he’ll have to go back to when they first met. 

And that he does. 

 

When Hyunjin entered his new classroom on the first day of high school, he wasn’t sure what to expect. 

Hell, he wasn’t even sure what he was supposed to expect in high school, the main goal was to get it over and done with and then go to university like every other person. 

Naturally, that didn’t happen because he spent three years there, a little bit of ups and downs had occurred. 

The most significant one being how the first person he had spoken to looked like he hated Hyunjin’s guts. 

He would later find out that that had been true. 

(He would also find out, much later, that he had fallen in love with the same boy who wanted nothing more than to switch seats with _anybody_ \- just to get away from him.)

So yeah, Hyunjin had gotten hated on sight, and for the one term they were seat partners, no actual conversation unrelated to schoolwork had happened. They had a strictly business relationship and he didn’t like it. 

Even though he had a bad impression of him, Hyunjin never disliked him. From the way he worked, it was easy to tell he wasn’t somebody who slacked (a big contrast to him) despite their work together almost never being graded. 

For the longest time, Hyunjin never got to speak to Kim Seungmin outside of class. 

This was in their first year, and as one term passed, he was slightly happy to switch seats. Not minding silence didn’t mean he _enjoyed_ it. Having someone to talk to in between lessons or teachings would’ve been nice. 

Except it seemed like the world (or maybe the teachers had been plotting something) was against them separating, as their homeroom teacher moved everyone but them. 

“You guys work well together!” She had said, smiling wide like she hadn’t noticed the tension between them. 

Hyunjin’s friends had laughed at him, when break came rolling around as they sat on the school’s rooftop eating their lunch. 

“Stuck with the nerd again, good luck.” 

Words like that had stung, and it was during that second term did Hyunjin realize how toxic his friends had been. 

And somewhere along the way, he had started to get curious. 

The fifteen year old him couldn’t comprehend why he never talked to him, and not only him - Seungmin had never interacted with the class unless necessary. 

So during breaks, Hyunjin made up excuses - telling his friends that he had work to do as he wandered around the school, trying to find out where Seungmin would always disappear to.  
It was probably because of him did Hyunjin’s love for reading and writing get developed. 

On the 8th day of him skipping lunch with his friends to look around the school, he had chanced upon the library that the students rarely used. 

The school had two libraries - the main one and the old one students would call ‘haunted’. Nobody ever mentioned where it was located, so Hyunjin never bothered about it but somehow he managed to make his way to another part of their surprisingly big school and was face to face with a whole separate building. 

Letters were peeling off the front of it, weeds were growing and it had been odd, but not enough to scare the then fearless Hwang Hyunjin away. 

Despite being left unbothered for possibly years, it hadn’t felt the least bit terrifying, which made the experience even more odd. Deciding he had nothing to lose, Hyunjin stepped inside the eerie building and nearly got the shock of his life.

Being at the entrance, it sounded more like faint noises than anything else and while he had been _fearless_ , it didn’t mean his fight or flight response hadn’t been activated in that moment. 

The sound he could only label as noise grew louder and louder as he approached the source, taking note of how beautiful the library had been. 

It was abandoned yes, but the single floor room full of endless shelves were illuminated by the natural sunlight, filtering in as there were no curtains blocking it out.

With windows placed on every wall, there were no dark spots anywhere, and it was when Hyunjin officially deemed the ‘haunted’ library his secret hideout. 

Except it wasn’t so secret, he would soon discover as he got closer and closer until he was standing behind a bookshelf, peeking through an empty space between two books. 

Vague sound to garbled noises had transformed into a song. 

A song beautifully sung by none other than the Kim Seungmin himself. 

If Hyunjin had initially thought the library was gorgeous, he quickly changed his mind as he watched Seungmin sing. The way the light hit him, putting him in a spotlight had been as if the world was showing him how talented and amazing he was. 

He had stood there unmoving the whole time, mouth agape as Seungmin went through five songs without stopping once. Hyunjin loved music, no more than an average person but after listening to Seungmin, he was certain he had come to love it even more. 

Seungmin’s music. 

When he paused to take a breath, Hyunjin checked his watch and felt his eyes widen. Only ten more minutes of break left and it had taken him fifteen to reach the library from the main building. 

With one last glance at Seungmin - still glowing under the sunlight’s presence, Hyunjin had bolted, making use of all the muscles gained from various sports. 

As he ran through the field he had previously walked across, he vowed to return every day. 

The moment he opened the door to the classroom, neck and face full of sweat he almost pointed a finger at Seungmin, who looked like he hadn’t been a whole building away and yelled, “What are you doing here?” 

But of course, he didn’t because he wasn’t going to get Seungmin in trouble for potentially trespassing and that would expose him too so he took his seat and tried to not let his table mate flinching and moving away from him get to his head. 

(He had borrowed somebody’s deodorant the very second class ended and sprayed himself so many times the whole bathroom stunk.) 

If Seungmin had noticed he was there the whole time, he never said anything (as usual), only speaking when necessary.

It was also then did Hyunjin start to really notice how nice his voice was. 

(He never told anyone about the library, about Seungmin.

A selfish little secret he had found, never wanting to let it go.) 

Thereafter, Hyunjin would repeatedly disappear alongside Seungmin - none of his friends cared, yet he made sure to leave at different times both from class and from the library anyway. 

About a month into his daily adventures with Seungmin (indirectly), he stopped watching him as he sang and started to read. 

The books were dusty and it was a wonder how he hadn’t picked one out and sneezed, effectively exposing himself but everything worked out. 

It had become routine. 

For one whole year, they remained table mates (it was a definitely a conspiracy) and Hyunjin kept staying in the library during breaks. He would take whatever book on the bookshelf he’d hidden behind that seemed interesting and read it, sitting on the floor. 

Half processing the lovely tune Seungmin sang (it was a different song each and every time) and fully absorbing the words on every page had become his life - the one thing he looked forward to the most in school.

That was how he ended up begging his parents to get him a bookshelf - and then two which multiplied into three as Hyunjin ended up buying each book he had finished. 

Miraculously, he would always manage to finish reading just in time for afternoon classes. Maybe it was a result of Seungmin’s sweet voice and the song he’d be singing or maybe he had found a previously unthought of hobby. 

Loving reading slowly grew into a love for coming up with his own stories and putting them into words. 

Soon, he started bringing paper and pen to the library, and he’d write. 

(Maybe, just maybe, Seungmin was his muse.

And maybe, just maybe, he still is.)

As sad as it was, Hyunjin had been content with the friendship they had cultivated, if you could even call such one sided feelings that. 

 

However, a little after the start of their second year, Seungmin started growing warmer towards Hyunjin - in the sublest of ways. 

He’d occasionally bring up topics unrelated to school, like what kind of bands Hyunjin liked. That had made his heart speed up, thinking he was exposed. 

Still, it had been the first time Seungmin initiated a conversation so Hyunjin softly whispered every band, every artist he loved at the time - even throwing in a few of his favourite songs. 

The very next day, he almost snapped his pen in half as he was writing when he heard Seungmin singing a GOT7 song.

That had been a sign, a message.

_I know you’re there._

Hyunjin hadn’t known how to feel about being discovered, but if he was still coming to the library and singing everyday despite his presence that meant he didn’t mind, right?

Right, the part of him which had been uselessly hoping for _something_ with Kim Seungmin enthusiastically responded in his mind. 

Which is why he had to try his best to contain his squeal as he watched Seungmin eye the bento box of BBQ chicken and a bottle of water placed on the table close to where he’d always stand and sing. 

He almost broke his cover and started giggling when he saw him turning 360 degrees, searching for Hyunjin but to no avail. 

Instead, he quickly gave in and started eating, much to Hyunjin’s joy. 

Somehow, they developed a routine where they’d leave lunch behind for each other. It had been exciting - to finally form a bond with the person he was physically the closest to. 

Then, came the notes. 

During the morning class right before their break, Seungmin had been asked to read a passage out loud. Normally, he’d be able to - he was always the most focused person in class but Hyunjin could sense something was wrong, though he never said anything. 

But because of whatever was going on with him, he hadn’t been able to and was forced to stand throughout the whole lesson. Nobody really spared Seungmin a second thought, except him.

Firstly, he was his table mate, he wasn’t going to let Seungmin feel bad without doing anything. Secondly, he looked truly devastated and disappointed at his own inability to do what the teacher wanted. 

Hence, Hyunjin left the classroom early or really, as early as one could and _ran_ to get lunch (it was his turn) and skidded into the library in record time. 

He’d put down the menu for today - more Korean food, Kimchi fried rice and hastily written a note, placing it alongside the food. 

Before Seungmin could come in through the other entrance that had a shortcut to the main building - he later found out two months after discovering the library, Hyunjin took cover. 

Immediately, he got to writing, even without Seungmin’s singing. Sometimes inspiration would randomly hit and Hyunjin would be able to write almost endlessly. 

The only reason he realized Seungmin had entered was because he had let out a particularly audible gasp upon seeing the note - much to his amusement. 

They basked in each other’s company and in the sunlight drifting in (it was kind of magical, how it’d never rain whenever they were together in the library) through the many windows and Hyunjin felt like _home_. 

Not quite understanding what that even meant, Hyunjin started on a fresh sheet of paper and began writing out what he was feeling, hoping putting it down in words would help.

It didn’t, really, until Seungmin started singing. 

A DAY6 song, Hyunjin had easily recognized, past visits telling him that they were his favourite band. It was endearing, how many of their songs he sang. 

(And embarrassing, for him, as Hyunjin promptly listened to their entire discography - just so he could sing along in his head.)

Having been focusing on his writing for the longest time, it had been awhile since he properly listened to Seungmin. That’s how he started to notice the little things and changes. 

Like the way he was slowly, but surely getting better - getting more stable and how his voice was changing and getting slightly deeper. 

Of course, puberty was a thing. 

However, despite the small changes in his voice, his vocals sounded as sweet as they always did. Hyunjin felt himself lean against the shelf, eyes closed as he quietly hummed the song to himself. 

The run must have had tired him out, because the next thing he knew, he was alone in the library and it was _way_ past lunch break. Frantically collecting his paper and pen, Hyunjin clicked his tongue and ran back to class. 

(Using the way Seungmin always did saved him a whole lot of time and scoldings from the teacher, his mathematics one and he was so thankful she was a kind old lady.)

As he walked back to his seat after explaining to Mrs. Lee about his situation - a terrible stomach ache accompanied by the lack of toilet paper and people around, he promptly glared at Seungmin who had been laughing behind the back of his hand. 

If it weren’t for the fact that _that_ was the first time he’d seen Seungmin show any kind of happy emotion, he would’ve made a fuss and kicked his chair or something. 

But it was truly the first time Hyunjin had seen his eyes curve upwards into an adorable eye smile and that had been when he knew he was so screwed. 

Deciding against thinking about it (because it was not good news), Hyunjin opened up his writing pad and stared at the not blank page that greeted him. 

His head turned towards Seungmin so fast he was afraid he had snapped his neck. 

> _thanks for the food, and the note._
> 
> __
> 
> __
> 
> _my day - day6_

Hyunjin had kind of felt like screaming, but they had been in class and he didn’t want to attract any unwanted attention so he bored _holes_ into the side of Seungmin’s head as he was avoiding eye contact.

Having listened to their songs more than once, Hyunjin already knew that it was a song recommendation - but he didn’t know what to do with that information. 

Was he to read the lyrics? Because if he were it would’ve led to very, _very_ bad and wishful assumptions on his part. 

So Hyunjin had chosen not to do anything, opting to fold the note carefully and placed it into his file. 

From then onwards, they’d exchange notes with song recommendations on them. 

(By now, Hyunjin has an entire playlist full of songs Seungmin has recommended and coincidentally they’re all songs he’s sung before.) 

Their friendship had then evolved from a business one to one where they’d make small talk about the littlest things. Seungmin never seemed to mind whenever Hyunjin would initiate conversations in between lessons and he had been so relieved. 

They never hung out after school, or anything like that though.

That was fine with him, since they had their secret place anyway. It wasn’t until a certain incident at the end of their second year did they really start talking. 

 

Everything had been going fine, really, for Hyunjin on that particular day. 

First, he woke up late because his alarm didn’t work. Second, he stepped on Kkami by accident as he rushed out. Third, he left his homework at home. Fourth, he couldn’t answer when the teacher called him since he left his work at home. Fifth, the entire class (except Seungmin) had laughed at him. Sixth, he overheard his friends mocking him in the toilet. Seventh, they acted like they hadn’t been talking shit. Eighth, Hyunjin was tired.

Just _extremely_ tired. As their second year had been coming to an end, it meant their third was quickly approaching _which_ meant entrance exams for university and oh how Hyunjin had hated that. 

Which is why he left class before the lesson before lunch had even ended and walked the long way to the library - _their_ library. He needed to calm himself down because he was on the verge of breaking down and everything had felt like it was crashing down on him. 

He didn’t even know why he was so stressed, it was just their final examinations in a month or so, but Korea’s education had been vicious, and Hyunjin was getting tired of it. 

All he wanted to do was drop out and that sounded dramatic and ridiculous even to his own mind so Hyunjin took a deep breath when he reached a more secluded spot behind a bookshelf and sat down. 

Relax, he had told himself. 

Except that seemed to backfire as he thought about the amount of times he screwed up in less than ten hours, causing his throat to close up and oh boy how he wished he had brought water along. 

How he hadn’t seen this coming was beyond him but Hyunjin hated being a Pisces sometimes. In an attempt to give himself comfort, he curled into himself and rested his forehead on his arms as he stared down, blankly registering the tears landing on the concrete floor. 

That had been the worst day of his life, and it had only been noon. 

And in just a few minutes, it became what Hyunjin would constantly bring up to be the best day of his life. 

Ever. 

Being so absorbed in his very sad state, Hyunjin hadn’t heard the footsteps slowly approaching, only perking up at the sound when it was inches away from where he had been seated. 

He buried his head (if it was even possible) deeper against his arm when Seungmin sat down next to him, making sure to leave a respectable space between them. 

_How embarrassing._

The first time they actually acknowledged each other properly in the library and Hyunjin was a snotty mess. As much as he had wanted to stop crying and producing mucus, Seungmin’s presence made him sob even harder. 

Neither of them spoke, and the only noise that echoed throughout the quiet room had been Hyunjin’s sniffles but the warmth from the body next to him had made him feel like everything would be okay. And Hyunjin appreciated that. 

Then, to grant him even greater comfort - like Seungmin had known he was still hurting a little, he started to sing. 

Immediately, he recognized the song. 

_When you love someone._

Another DAY6 song, to nobody’s surprise and it was the first time Hyunjin had the chance to look at Seungmin up close as he sung. 

Peeking from where his head remained glued to his arms, he could feel like heart melt at the softness of Seungmin’s voice and perhaps, it was in that moment did Hyunjin realize something. 

Kim Seungmin had the voice of an angel, and the heart of gold even if he showed it in the simplest and subtlest of ways. 

When the song had ended, Hyunjin’s tears were dry against his cheeks and his mood had been lifted by ten times.

“You’r-” He had attempted to say, only to shut his mouth when his voice cracked. 

Flushing and hiding his face back into his arms again, he whined. 

This caused Seungmin to laugh - _properly_ laugh, and it was probably the second best sound ever. His laugh sounded like something Hyunjin couldn’t describe but it made him happy.

Seungmin was quite possibly the human embodiment of the sun, and he made Hyunjin feel warm and like he could do _anything_. 

“Drink this.” 

Hyunjin felt a bottle knock against the side of his head and when he finally stopped staring at the floor, he had no regrets. 

Seungmin’s smile automatically made his ears flush, and his heart race (why? why?) and it was the first time he had seen it in all its glory. 

He nodded, still stunned by the beauty of Kim Seungmin and chugged the entire bottle. Crying did that to you. 

“As I was saying,” Hyunjin hadn’t been sure where this sudden burst of confidence was coming from, knowing he still looked like a mess. “You have a really pretty voice, I’ve wanted to say this since I first heard it, you know.”

Maybe it was because they had been exchanging notes, maybe it was because he had known Seungmin since the first day of school, maybe it was because they’ve always in their own world during lunch but Hyunjin had never felt so at ease with somebody before. 

It was their first time talking outside of class, _actually_ talking. This wasn’t small talk. 

Seungmin had just seen him at his lowest, and Hyunjin had let him. 

Hyunjin had also just mentioned the praise that had been stuck in his mind since the first time he discovered the library and the only reason he never said it in his notes was because he wanted to see Seungmin’s reaction face to face.

He had never thought he’d actually be able to do it.

Nothing would ever beat the way Seungmin’s face flushed, a pretty red as the words visibly processed. 

“T- Thank you?” He had mumbled, face partially hidden by his arm, in a futile attempt to hide his embarrassment probably. 

_Cute_ , was the word that came to Hyunjin. 

“So-”

“Um-”

They both recoiled, bodies having gotten closer as they started to speak. 

“You first.” Hyunjin prompted, gently, like he was afraid they’d revert back to the ‘I’ll go sing over there and you can watch me from afar like a lovesick fool’ routine. 

(Wait, love sick fool?)

His ears had burned, at his own thoughts and he quickly chased them away. 

Seungmin nodded, biting his lip, probably trying to figure out just _what_ to say.

There was a lot, Hyunjin could understand. 

Personally, he had wished they had more time, just for this. Staying in the abandoned library together, as Seungmin sang and Hyunjin wrote or read. 

But it was only an hour each day, and when that hour was up they’d go back to the old, dull and boring place. 

“Are you okay?” Seungmin had asked, after a minute or so, with the utmost concern in his tone and Hyunjin thought that wow - this was it. 

He leaned back against the shelf, head lightly thudding against it and thought about it. 

Was he okay? In that moment, definitely. 

In the long run? Who knew. 

He exhaled, turned to Seungmin who had leaned back on the shelf too and smiled. “I’m okay now, since you’re here.”

Seungmin’s face exploded into pink again, causing Hyunjin - who had been going strong since he _meant_ it, to flush too. 

“W- We don’t even know each other.” He had spluttered out, turning away from Hyunjin, much to his disappointment. “Why me?” 

The last part had been softer, a whisper, like he didn’t want Hyunjin to hear. 

Sighing and closing his eyes, he thought about it. 

Why Seungmin? 

Well, the answer had been clear, hadn’t it?

“Because being with you kinda feels like home.”

He didn’t have to open his eyes to know Seungmin was staring at him. 

After a long silence, he finally opened his eyes again, afraid he’d look to his left and see Seungmin gone. 

Thankfully, he hadn’t gone away, but he looked confused, eyebrows furrowed and eyes twinkling, searching for an answer. 

He had also been inches away from Hyunjin’s face. 

For a split second, Hyunjin had witnessed panic, until Seungmin looked away (again).

(It would later be his greatest regret knowing he’d missed an important moment and not spoken up about it and pretending it hadn’t happened.)

A cough - so fake it made Hyunjin giggle, echoed throughout the library and Seungmin pouted. 

“That was so lame, Seungmin.”

“I had to do something! This is why I rarely speak.” He tucked his arms under his knees, into the same position Hyunjin had when he had been crying and started humming. 

He briefly considered cutting him off and continuing their conversation - but decided against it. They could learn more about each other another time, they had a whole year left together. 

Instead, he hummed along with Seungmin, grinning at the way he smiled softly at the addition. 

They stayed like that the whole time, humming random songs and tunes, basking in the sunlight in their library. 

If they had moved a little closer in that short duration, neither of them brought it up.

When Hyunjin checked his watch and noticed it was five minutes before lunch ended, he stood up, loving the way Seungmin stared up at him. 

(There was a universe held in his eyes, and Hyunjin had wanted nothing more than to cup his cheeks and look at them for hours.

The Hyunjin then, had no idea what that meant, so he dismissed that thought with fear.)

He reached out his hand, to where Seungmin was seated and smiled again. 

“Let’s go?” 

He ignored the way his heart leapt, how his ears burned and how nice Seungmin’s hand had felt in his for that single second and lead them towards the way out. 

Before they turned away from the library, Hyunjin felt a tug on his uniform sleeve. 

“Same time same place?” Seungmin had asked, nervous, and he wanted to scream. 

“Always.”

Both of them knew that that was confirmation their routine would change, and they were excited. 

When people (his ‘friends’) asked why he had entered the classroom with Seungmin, he gave the boy in question a glance and tried to hide the smile tugging at his lips. 

“Who knows.”

 

Initially, Hyunjin had been fine with the realization that they’d never see each other again after graduation. Now, as Seungmin was on his bed, playing with the new camera his parents bought him (Hyunjin had chipped in some cash too - not that he would ever need to know that), the idea of being apart from his best friend was devastating. 

The whole best friend thing had been a gradual process, ever since the first time they spoke to each other in their library, they’d kept hanging out - even during the holidays. 

“Seungmin,” Hyunjin had whined, letting his upper body collapse on the bed, still unsure of how much he could intrude and yelled into his pillow. “We’re third years now.” 

When he had been replied with silence and the quiet sound of a shutter going off he detached his face from his pillow and narrowed his eyes. 

“Don’t take pictures of me having a crisis.” He huffed, waving at the camera, ensuring Seungmin wouldn’t be able to get a good picture.

(Like that would ever happen - all of his pictures were masterpieces.)

He giggled, hands still holding onto his camera and continued snapping away. 

Hyunjin had been awestruck for a moment, watching the way Seungmin’s eyes lit up and how his entire face glowed. 

Shoving those thoughts away a second later, because he wasn’t supposed to fall in love with his best friend who’s a guy, he asked a question that had been on his mind the moment he found out about Seungmin’s love for photography. 

“Are you going to major in that?” He asked, pointing at his camera. 

Talking about the future had always been scary, it was acknowledging that they would go their separate ways. After the two years it took Hyunjin to _finally_ get close to Seungmin, he didn’t want- 

What didn’t he want?

It had made his heart ache, and for a reason he couldn’t figure out. 

He had blamed it on the stress and focused back to what Seungmin was saying. 

“I’m not sure,” He frowned, and Hyunjin wanted nothing more than to wipe it off his face because sad was never a good look on the sun. “My parents want me to take up something more… reputable.” 

Hyunjin cringed, completely understanding. 

Both of them had interests in subjects that were more related to the arts, it hadn’t been a fun time trying to convince them. But he managed to do it, and they noticed his passion for books and writing (quite evident by the amount of material he bought), and agreed. 

“It’s okay. We have like, ten months to change their minds.” Hyunjin had reassured, placing his hand inches away from Seungmin’s own, and if Hyunjin reached out a little further he could hook their pinkies together. 

Being the confused coward he had been, he didn’t do it, carefully watching their unmoving hands instead. 

Seungmin looked confused, big eyes holding nothing but wonder. “Your parents already approved of you majoring in writing though?”

Hyunjin had snorted, staring straight at him. 

“You helped me convince them, even though we weren’t even that close back then. You helped me realize what I wanted to do. Of course I’m going to be there with you every step of the way when it’s your turn, silly.”

At that moment, he didn’t manage to catch how Seungmin had reacted, as Kkami skidded into his room and launched himself onto him.

“Hi baby.” He giggled, pleased by the surprise. 

(Seungmin would brag, years later that he had commanded Kkami into the room to prevent Hyunjin from seeing the blush that bloomed on his face.)

Kkami had left Hyunjin’s lap, to his sadness and jumped up onto his bed instead, making his way onto Seungmin. 

“The betrayal,” he had said, devastated. “When did you steal my dog?”

That had been filled with genuine curiosity, since Kkami rarely warmed up to anybody that wasn’t family so fast. This had only been Seungmin’s fourth visit or so. 

“He loves me more than he loves you,” Seungmin replied, nuzzling Kkami’s head and giving Hyunjin a lovely heart attack. 

“He told me so.”

Hyunjin had laughed, endeared. His fingers twitched and he wanted to reach out, grab Seungmin’s precious camera and capture the moment of him and Kkami cuddling. 

Instead of the expensive camera, though, he used his phone and grinned to himself when he looked at it. 

Seungmin hadn’t noticed, and had been making kissy faces at Kkami. 

Definitely saving that forever. 

(It’s still his favourite picture.)

“Anyway, before Kkami came in and ruined the moment, I wanted to say thanks.” 

He had his head on Hyunjin’s bed, looking him in the eye, sincerity bass boosted. 

That was bad for his heart. 

“I’m always here, you know that.” Chuckling to hide the way his heartbeat intensified, Hyunjin buried his face into his pillow again. 

A hand ruffled his hair, and for the slightest of seconds, he had thought it was Kkami. 

Because Seungmin? Making physical contact? With him? Impossible.

Except it was very much not his dog, because fingers were running through the strands and it was so damn soothing he wanted to fall asleep. 

“You should stop doing that, unless you want to talk to your sleeping best friend.” He mumbled into his pillow, eyes already on their way to fully closing and blocking out the world. 

The hand stilled at the mention of best friend, and Hyunjin knew it wasn’t a bad reaction. 

It was cute, how Seungmin would still get surprised whenever he addressed him as that. The first time he said it, it had been on the first day of the new year. 

His (ex-) friends had come up to him, asking what he’d do if he got paired up with Seungmin again, and he only smiled at them and replied with, “I’d be pretty happy if I was table mates with my best friend again, honestly.”

They stopped talking to him after that, _fucking finally_ , he had thought. They were extremely shit anyway, and Seungmin was a much better companion. It was the reason he never hung out with them and opted for their library. 

(Though not really, because the reason he visited their place every break was because he had wanted to know more about Seungmin, the boy who seemed unreachable.)

Seungmin had overheard their conversation, and when they were assigned their seats - nudged him and asked if Hyunjin had been serious. 

“Oh shit sorry, I know I kinda just assumed we’re best friends now, I won’t say it again if you’re not comfortable…?” He had trailed off because Seungmin’s smile, directed solely at him had been blinding and yeah - even without words, Hyunjin knew he was more than comfortable with the new title. 

“I don’t mind,” Seungmin had replied, snapping Hyunjin out of his little trip down memory lane. “You can sleep.”

“Look at you, acting like that isn’t my bed and this isn’t my house!” Hyunjin teased, detaching himself from his pillow to look up at Seungmin, loving the way he pouted. “I still haven’t forgiven you for leaving me in our library, causing me to be late for class.” 

Seungmin had laughed, hand ruffling Hyunjin’s hair again and grinned. 

“Not my fault.” 

“It definitely was, but I’ll let it slide since that was a good nap.” 

It had been a good nap, but Seungmin’s cute so there’s that too. 

Testing the waters, he carefully stood up, and put one knee on the bed. It should’ve felt odd, how he was getting permission to enter his own bed but Hyunjin knew Seungmin wasn’t an overly touchy person. 

They locked eyes for a second, Hyunjin silently asking if he could come up. 

Seungmin shifted, after much thought - he noticed the way the hand that had been playing with his hair was messing with Kkami’s ear, a sign that he was probably considering it. 

Hyunjin couldn’t help the grin that took over his face.

“Thanks.” 

“It _is_ your bed, after all.” Seungmin had responded, huffing but they both knew it was a thanks deeper than that. 

Hyunjin was thanking Seungmin for accepting him, and letting him in. 

This was the second wall he had effectively knocked down, and he was more than happy laying down next to the boy he’d been chasing after since the start. 

Chasing after, in a totally platonic sense, he had added in his mind. 

Getting into the same bed was one thing, but Hyunjin had been in a mood to cuddle, and how on Earth was he supposed to ask for something like that? 

He struggled to come up with ways to ask, but effectively gave up and leaned his head against his head board. 

“Don’t you want to sleep?” 

Upon hearing that, he turned his head and looked at Seungmin which was quite possibly the worst - and best, decision of his life. 

Inches away from each other’s face, he swore he almost fainted. 

Months ago, Hyunjin had thought nothing of it, but he’s grown and known better. Not nearly enough yet, but Seungmin’s face being so close shouldn’t have made his entire body grow warm. 

“I- Yeah.” He managed to stutter out, unable to stop looking at Seungmin. It was like he had been charmed into staring at him for eternity. 

Seungmin tilted his head in confusion, oblivious to the hundred and one thoughts attacking his mind. “Why aren’t you laying down properly then?”

_Because I want to stare at your pretty face forever and ever and ever._

Finally willing himself to tear his eyes away from Seungmin, he laughed, desperately trying to hide the fact that he wanted to lean in and- do things. 

“Alright, alright, don’t forget I’m older than you - you don’t get to boss me around.”

The tension Hyunjin had felt in the air earlier, disappeared and he was okay again. 

He was fine, nothing was wrong. It was just Seungmin.

No big deal. 

“Stop bringing that up!” He whined, sliding down the headboard and resting his head on one of Hyunjin’s many pillows. 

His breath hitched and maybe Hyunjin was in trouble. 

Soft.

Seungmin looked so _soft_ , lovely, so damn cuddleable in that oversized hoodie which Hyunjin had then become hyper aware of because that was _his_ , and his mind reverted back to being a mess. 

The urge to reach out and keep Seungmin safe in his arms was so strong. 

“Are you going to sleep too?” Hyunjin managed to croak out, dehydrating at a very rapid pace in the span of five minutes. 

He should’ve never suggested this. 

“Well yeah? I’m not actually going to talk to someone who’s unconscious.” 

Cool. 

“Okay, I’m turning off the lights then.” 

Cool. If the lights were turned off, they wouldn’t be able to see each other, except it was still _day time_ and the sun was very much present. 

“We’re going to ruin our sleep schedule, I know it.” Seungmin grumbled as Hyunjin stood up and walked towards the light switch. 

He snorted, and made himself comfortable back in bed before responding. “You mean _your_ sleep schedule, I’m living my best life here.” 

“Rude.”

Hyunjin laughed - only to get interrupted by Kkami who he had completely forgotten was with them, struggling to squeeze in between them.

“Look like someone’s joining us.” He grinned, and turned to Seungmin. 

Again, setting himself up for a disaster because Seungmin was facing the ceiling, eyes closed and looking absolutely ethereal. 

He turned the other way, actually wanting to get a good nap before whispering to himself more than at Seungmin, “night, then.” 

When Hyunjin woke up, many hours (or maybe it was just one, he didn’t know) later and turned to see how Seungmin was doing, he nearly died. 

Cute couldn’t even begin to describe it. 

_Suffering_ couldn’t even begin to describe how Hyunjin had felt, seeing Seungmin a few centimeters away from where he laid with an arm under his pillow and the other in front of him.

The free hand had been curled into a fist, and Seungmin looked so sweet, sleeping with his messy hair and big hoodie Hyunjin had never felt such a surge of affection for _anybody_ before. 

Except, well, maybe Kkami. 

Speaking of Kkami, he searched to see where he had gone to and melted at how he had nestled himself against Seungmin’s tummy. 

There were literally two puppies in bed and Hyunjin _had_ to treasure the moment forever - so he searched for his phone and as quietly as possible - took ten pictures. 

(It was only supposed to be one, but he got carried away.)

As he repeatedly scrolled back and forth between the ten identical pictures, Seungmin woke up, slurring, “what time is it?” while wiping his eyes. 

“It’s almost six, good morning sunshine.” 

It was kind of impressive how he had managed to keep a level voice without screaming. 

“Goodnight,” Seungmin simply said, burying his face back into Hyunjin’s pillow. 

In the end, he stayed over and borrowed his uniform for school the next day. 

That day should’ve been the one he realized what he felt for Seungmin wasn’t just fondness for a friend but some people are slow, so they say. 

Which was why it was only days before graduation did Hyunjin _truly_ understand what he felt for him - even though it had been there all along. 

 

“I can’t believe we’re graduating, Seungmin.”

Seungmin had rolled his eyes, busying himself with letters he was writing for all their teachers. He really was a kind-hearted and good student, always showing his appreciation for everybody.

Okay not everybody, maybe just him and like, a small other handful of people but hey - you don’t need many friends, just good ones. 

“Well, I can, especially after having just taken our entrance exams.” 

That’s right, the reason why they had been in Seungmin’s room, not Hyunjin’s this time, was because the university had been a little bit closer to his house.

A little bit being like, five minutes shorter than the two hours it would’ve taken them if they had left from his place. 

The examination - if it could even be called that, went by smoothly and way better than either of them had expected it to. 

All Seungmin had to do was submit a portfolio full of his photos, while Hyunjin had to take a test where he simply wrote a story based on a prompt given. 

It hadn’t been that stressful, but they’d have to go for interviews if they got shortlisted. And if they didn’t get into the major they wanted, they’d have to sit for another round of entry requirements. 

It was kind of fucked up. 

“We’ll get in.” Hyunjin blurted out, more to reassure himself than Seungmin who had been confident in his works. 

“I know that.”

Rolling his eyes, he scoffed. “Okay, hotshot.” 

“What?” Seungmin replied, with faux offense to the gesture. “You think you won’t get accepted?”

He kind of hated when he’d randomly go into ‘deep’ talk with Hyunjin. And so naturally too. 

“I mean…” He mumbled and trailed off. If he didn’t get accepted into this writing major, he’d be such a disappointment. To both Seungmin and his parents. “I don’t know…”

Much to his surprise, his friend got up from what he had been seated on the floor and collapsed onto Hyunjin where he was laying on the bed. 

“I bet you’ll get in, Hyunjin - don’t worry.” Seungmin had said, as he laid on his stomach. 

Feeling a little bit better about himself, he found the energy to ask, “what are you betting?” 

“You do know I’ll be winning right?”

He ran his hand through Seungmin’s hair, laughing. Amazing how he could cheer Hyunjin up so easily. 

“How about winner does whatever the loser asks?”

“That’s so cliche,” came the immediate response. “Let’s do it.”

Hyunjin had burst into laughter, amused by the way Seungmin always excitedly agreed to whatever idea he had no matter how lame. 

Two weeks later, after a nerve-wrecking interview, they had stood outside the university, swarmed by many other students. 

“Seungmin, Seungmin - where are you, holy shit.” He had frantically searched for his best friend, eyes scanning each and every face in the crowd after checking the board his major was under. 

A hand had tugged Hyunjin out from where he stood, lost and desperate. 

“Here, idiot.” 

It didn’t hold as much bite as it had sounded as Seungmin had a wide grin on his face. 

“You- We- Oh my God?” 

Seungmin only nodded, twice to be exact, and before he could say anything else, Hyunjin picked him up and cheered. 

“We did it!”

“Put me down!” 

That had been the first time Hyunjin hugged Seungmin in public, not caring that a bunch of other people were staring. 

They hadn’t been the only ones celebrating anyway. 

When he unwrapped his arms from Seungmin, he was still smiling. 

Both of them were, despite his annoyance to Hyunjin’s excitement. 

It was only when they had both returned to his house, did Seungmin remind him of their bet. 

“Told you so,” he had teased. 

Hyunjin had playfully pushed him, almost causing him to roll of his bed. 

“Don’t kill me before I get my wish, thanks.” 

He had stilled next to Seungmin, repeating the word that stood out to him. 

“Your wish?” He smirked, getting revenge. “You already know what you want me to do?”

In a very bad attempt to cover up that he had been embarrassed, he buried his face into Hyunjin’s pillow (that was basically reserved for him at that point) and let out a muffled ‘yes’.

Well, he would have been lying if he said he didn’t think about what he’d make Seungmin do either. 

(And he would have been lying if he said what he thought of didn’t make him his face red and his body warm.)

Still, the word that Seungmin used had gotten him curious. 

“So - spill, what do you want me to do, oh great winner?” He asked, patting Seungmin’s back. 

Silence had filled the room, and Hyunjin kept his hand on his back.

“Seungmin?”

Laying down to get a peek at his face, he had checked up on him, ensuring Seungmin hadn’t accidentally suffocated himself with his pillow. 

With his fantastic hearing, Hyunjin heard something being mumbled, but couldn’t quite make it out. He leaned closer and nudged the lifeless body to repeat. 

“A ki…” Seungmin had said again, though never finishing his request.

Hyunjin was sure he had been hallucinating. 

“What?” 

“AkissorsomethingIdon’tknow.” 

If possible, Seungmin had buried his face deeper into the pillow, clinging onto it like it had been his life line. 

Even his ears had turned red, something that only happened when he was _super_ embarrassed. 

So Hyunjin’s own ears probably weren’t playing tricks on him. 

“You want…” he started, still unsure if what Seungmin had mumbled out was real or not. “A kiss?”

God, it had been so embarrassing to even confirm, Hyunjin finally understood what Seungmin was going through. 

“From me?” He further questioned, pointing to himself even though Seungmin hadn’t even been looking. 

Time stood still for about an eternity and a half, as silence filled the room once again and all Hyunjin could hear was his own racing heart. His mind had been in chaos. 

_Seungmin? Kiss? Us? What?_

It was only after Seungmin nodded - ever so slightly that Hyunjin would’ve missed if his eyes weren’t glued to his otherwise unmoving body, did he let out a breath he hadn’t noticed he was holding. 

With confidence that surged from who knows where because Hyunjin would never get another opportunity like this again, he gathered his bearings and shook Seungmin. 

“I can’t kiss you when you’re too busy sucking face with my pillow, you know.” He had said, and it had taken everything in him not to stutter. 

Slowly, Seungmin detached himself from his pillow and wow - if he had thought his ears were on fire, his face was looking like _hell_. 

Hyunjin could feel the warmth radiating from him from where he sat. Granted, they weren’t very far apart but he had felt like the sun. 

(If he hadn’t been too busy losing his mind, he would’ve made a comment about how Seungmin is always his sun, or something cheesy like that.)

The sight had also made his breath hitch, just a little, because Seungmin was so - _so_ impossibly adorable with his face red and eyes bright. 

His hair was a mess, and he was pouting. Illegal, definitely illegal, and not good for Hyunjin’s already broken heart. 

“Um,” Seungmin had all but squeaked out (adorable) and fiddled with his ( _his_ ) hoodie strings. 

“W-We won’t ever bring this up, again, ever. Okay?” 

Well. 

That had broken him in a completely different way. 

It would’ve been weird if he looked upset about it because hey - this was just going to be a joke between two best friends, nothing more, nothing less. This wasn’t the start of anything, and Seungmin didn’t want it to be. 

That was fine. Hyunjin was cool. 

Chill. 

“Sure,” he managed to exhale out. “Let’s do it then?”

If this was going to be seen as a mistake, then he should at least make it the best damn mistake of his life. 

“Okay.” 

They shifted until they had been facing each other, but sitting cross legged didn’t lessen the distance between them. 

Seungmin was going to erase everything from his mind anyway, so Hyunjin got a little bit braver. 

“Stretch your legs out and put them over mine.” He instructed, demonstrating by unfolding his legs and placing them so Seungmin was trapped. 

“Okay…” Seungmin agreed, sounding less sure of himself by the second. 

Hyunjin couldn’t have that happening. 

“Hey, hey.” Once they were positioned properly, Hyunjin cupped Seungmin’s face, forcing him to make eye contact. “It’ll be fine, we won’t remember this, right?”

It had stung to say that. 

“Yeah.” 

They were close, the closest they had ever been with both of them aware of their surroundings. 

“It’ll be fine,” Hyunjin reassured again, thumb circling Seungmin’s cheeks. “Okay?”

“Okay.” 

At that point, his mind had been going on overdrive. 

Moving his hands to wrap around Seungmin’s waist, he gently pulled him closer. 

Nervous. 

He had been so nervous, all he wanted to do was run away.

But he didn’t. 

“I’m doing it now.” Hyunjin announced, not wanting to startle Seungmin.

Seungmin let out a noise of approval, and closed his eyes. 

Too cute. 

Doing his best to keep things natural, Hyunjin had followed his instincts, hoping reading all those romance books would help. 

Keeping one arm around Seungmin’s waist, he lifted the other and placed his hand at the side of his cheek, cupping it. 

The distance significantly shortened as Hyunjin lent in, and Seungmin was gorgeous. The sunlight had been filtering in through his curtains, and it made him glow. 

Just like in their library. 

Always, always, _always_ the center of attention, always bright, always there. 

Screw it, Hyunjin remembered thinking, before moving in and pressing his lips onto Seungmin’s. 

There had been a total of zero fireworks, but the chaste kiss made him feel like he had been on cloud nine, living the dream. 

(And oh - maybe it was. Maybe, Seungmin had been his dream, since the first day he laid his eyes on him.)

As he was moving back, a hand grabbed his arm, preventing it from returning to his side. 

Both of their eyes were open again, and Hyunjin’s heart sped up, seeing the heavy blush on Seungmin’s cheeks. 

(Had he gotten redder?)

“Go again,” Seungmin whispered, eyes filled with stars and maybe if Hyunjin had looked harder - love. “Please?”

He didn’t even have to say please for Hyunjin to do so. 

“Of course.” 

Hopefully Seungmin hadn’t noticed how excited and how he quick he had been to agree. 

So they leaned in again, together, and fluttered their eyes shut at the same time. 

Hand on waist, arms around neck, hand cupping cheek, it had been so tender. 

And although Hyunjin had known, all along, he realized. 

He had realized that, oh, he was in love. 

It hadn’t just been fascination, admiration, curiosity. No - it had been something much more. 

Love, love, love. 

Subconsciously, he had smiled into the kiss because discovering the feeling he had left unnamed for years was amazing. 

Confirmation.

Confirmation that he was so hopelessly in love with his best friend words couldn’t even begin to describe and explain what his heart felt. 

Seungmin hadn’t noticed, hadn’t seen, when Hyunjin opened his eyes and just stared. His mouth moving but eyes simply watching. 

Watching and feeling. 

Watching the way Seungmin’s eyebrows furrowed when Hyunjin would not stop smiling, feeling the way his arms tightened around his neck when Hyunjin applied a little bit more pressure. 

It had been bliss.

And soft, so soft. 

Hyunjin had wanted to run his hands through Seungmin’s hair, wanted to kiss his cheeks, his forehead, his nose, his neck, _everywhere_. He had wanted to play with his ear, whisper sweet words of love, wanted to nuzzle his face into the area between his shoulder and neck, wanted to hold his hand, wanted to take over the world with Kim Seungmin. 

Why?

Because he’s in love with him. 

But he couldn’t. 

Why?

Because Seungmin hadn’t felt the same. 

When they parted, Hyunjin had known it was never going to happen again. 

His hands traveled back down to Seungmin’s waist and he pulled him into a hug.

“Thank you,” he breathed out, even though he was the one who had granted Seungmin’s wish. “Thank you so much.”

Seungmin had laughed, it sounded sad, but maybe that had just been Hyunjin’s feelings imaging things so he dismissed that idea and laughed along. 

(He had been right.)

“Shouldn’t I be thanking you?” Seungmin had asked, chin resting on Hyunjin’s head. 

“Maybe.” 

They stayed like that, until the sun set and neither of had said a word about the kiss (or kisses?) after. 

Not after graduation, where their mothers took a bunch of pictures, not after the ceremony where they stayed in their library talking about all their memories of the place, not after they helped each other move out and then in, to their new apartments and not after they started university and still stuck together side by side. 

Not after Hyunjin almost brought it up one day, only to be stopped with a raise of a brow from Seungmin. 

Not after how he had wanted to throw up when Seungmin had left, because to him - that had meant _no, don’t bring it up_.

Not after every dream which started with their lips pressed together ended with Hyunjin _crying_ because he was done and _tired_ of thinking about a boy who would never love him back. 

Not after Seungmin comforting him (again, always) with a song when he had gone to school with puffy and red eyes. Not after the way Hyunjin wanted to scream that _he_ was the reason for his tears. 

But he never said anything and never brought it up.

That’s what Seungmin had wanted. 

And it had been apart of his wish. 

So Hyunjin suffered in silence and fell for other people, hoping it would help get rid of the crush (it was deeper than that, he knew) on his best friend. 

In the end, they stayed temporary while what he felt for Seungmin never went away. 

It hurt. 

It hurt, thinking about whether Seungmin even remembered. It hurt, wondering if Seungmin had known about his feelings and was just playing with him.

It hurt, when he realized he had been uselessly pining over someone for five years. 

And it hurt, when he would replay the scene over and over again, like a never ending loop. 

Which is why, he decided it was time to let Seungmin know. 

 

“Hyunjin?”

He’s not sure how long he took, reminiscing, but it was long enough for him to finish his meal. 

“Uh, yeah?” 

Coherent as ever. 

“I paid, let’s go.” Seungmin informs, already standing up. 

Wait, what? 

His mind flies into panic, because oh shit, was he supposed to pay? And oh shit, he still hasn’t given him the flower. 

“Where are we going…?” Hyunjin calls after Seungmin who’s already on the street. 

He turns to stare at Hyunjin, like he’s a clown. Perhaps he is. 

“Your apartment? Where else would I be staying over at?” 

Coughing, he tries to cover up how far away from reality he had been. 

“Right, my bad.” 

Seungmin snorts, more amused than annoyed - thankfully, and starts walking. 

Hyunjin starts to plan because he cannot admit his feelings for Seungmin in his own house because he’d be crushed if he _just left_. 

Trying to recall what the route home from _Stray Eats_ is like, he thinks of a secluded place they can talk.

It’s only when an elbow painfully nudges at his side does he stop looking at his feet. 

“Look at the sky!” The nudging turns into slapping as his arm gets thrashed.

Tearing his eyes off the rapidly moving hand, he stares at the sky. 

Wow, doesn’t even begin to describe how pretty it is, and when he cocks his head to the side he sees Seungmin smiling brightly, mesmerized. 

The clouds are pink, the whole sky turning purple and it really is a sight to behold. 

“Picture, you need to take a picture!” Hyunjin returns the favour and slaps Seungmin’s arm this time.

Hastily, Seungmin digs around his bag for this camera and Hyunjin lifts his phone to snap a few unprofessional shots. 

As Seungmin takes his pictures, he stands back and admires the view. 

In the end, he’ll always be in love.

Kind of pathetic, really. 

Secretly, before Seungmin can turn around, he takes a picture. 

Smiling to himself, he makes it his home screen, just because he can. 

Hyunjin checks his surroundings, noting the way they’ve coincidentally stopped beside a playground. 

When Seungmin turns around, grinning wide - a sign he’s satisfied with his shots, Hyunjin points to the swings. 

He nods, following him and it’s surprising how he’s not complaining. 

On instinct, his mind yells _he knows_ , but Hyunjin quickly shuts it up. 

They sit on the swings, and he remembers doing this with Seungmin, a few weeks after he first moved into his apartment. But that’s enough flashbacks for one day, so he decides it’s now or never - to live in the present. 

“You asked me,” he starts, not daring to look at Seungmin, “why I gave all the people I liked flowers today.” 

Hyunjin is vaguely aware the flower he’s holding is exposed and out in the open and that Seungmin has probably noticed it by now. 

“Yeah, I did.” Seungmin says, his tone neutral. Out of the corner of his eye, Hyunjin sees Seungmin start moving the swing. 

“Because I felt like it.” 

The swinging stops. 

“Seriously?” He asks, sounding so shocked it makes Hyunjin laugh. 

Finally, he looks at Seungmin, only to find him already staring right at him. 

His face mirrors his disbelief, making Hyunjin laugh harder. 

“Who’s that flower for then?” Seungmin points, blinking rapidly like he’s thinking hard. 

How he doesn’t know, despite being the most observant person alive, is a mystery. 

“I thought you had a list of my crushes?” He teases, because he never told Seungmin about the people he gave flowers to today. 

Okay, maybe he did, but still. He never outright said he was crushing.

Seungmin rolls his eyes, kicking the dirt in a sad attempt to be angry. 

Cute. 

“Whatever, just tell me! Are you going to leave in the middle of the night or something?” 

“No, Seungmin, please. As if I’d wake up just to give somebody a flower.” 

“You woke up today to give four people flowers.” Seungmin jabs back.

Hyunjin giggles, feet kicking the dirt too, even if it stains his white shoes. 

“Correction, as if I’d wake up in the middle of the night to give somebody a flower.” 

“I get it, so who is that for? You haven’t answered my question.” Seungmin pushes on and Hyunjin is feeling very impulsive. 

He stares at the sad flower, and then back at Seungmin’s curious eyes. 

They - _he’s_ still shining, even when the sun has already gone down and he’s only illuminated by street lights. 

“For you.” Hyunjin says, finally, thrusting it unceremoniously in his direction. 

Seungmin blinks, once, twice, and then laughs. 

It sounds pained. 

Hyunjin bares himself for the worst - will Seungmin make fun of him? Will he call him names? He doesn’t know, even though they’re best friends, the worst is always on his mind. 

“Are you pranking me?” He genuinely asks, after he’s done laughing. 

It’s kind of insulting (to Seungmin) how he thinks Hyunjin is playing a prank. 

“What? I’m being serious here!” 

Silence fills the air, one that suffocates. 

“You’re not joking?” 

This makes Hyunjin roll his eyes. 

“Why would I be? Take it.” He shakes the flower a little, eyes widening when petals threaten to fall off. 

“Um,” Seungmin starts, and there it is, the d- wait. 

“Really?” He asks again, in a softer voice. 

Hyunjin furrows his eyebrows, bites his lips and takes the time to actually look at Seungmin. 

He looks scared, more so than how he feels right now and he’s playing with the rusty chains attached to the swing. 

“Seungmin,” he says carefully. “Yes, you.”

Blinded by his own nerves, he never saw how Seungmin held fear in his eyes. 

“I’m in love with you.”

Hyunjin chuckles, it’s not bitter. “Have been for years now, actually.” It’s filled with fondness and well, acceptance that whatever happens, happens. 

He watches the way Seungmin’s eyes widen, how his grip tightens, how his mouth falls open, and the way he digs his feet into the dirt. 

And that’s how Hyunjin realizes that he’s scared. It’s how he realizes that Seungmin doesn’t think he’s worthy. 

It’s how he realizes Seungmin doesn’t know how much he means to Hyunjin. 

So he tells him. 

"You know, I've been in love with you since day one, probably." Hyunjin says, eyes focused on Seungmin's face.

Seungmin doesn't look like he buys it one bit, so he continues.

"But I realized for sure, when we kissed."

His nose scrunches up at the taboo topic they promised to never speak of again.

"I _know_ , you said not to talk about it, but I can't. That was my first and best kiss. That was the reason why I even found out that the reason you make my heart race and the reason you make me so happy is because I'm in love." Hyunjin blabbers, a habit that occurs when he's nervous and has too much on his mind.

Seungmin's face doesn't indicate any sort of expression whatsoever, and it's kind of scary but Hyunjin goes on.

"The library? That's our spot. And the day you comforted me is still the best one of my life. You made me feel so much better just by being there, and when I said you're like _home_ , I meant it." He pauses, to catch his breath. "I love how we have a special place, just all to ourselves. I love how you let me stay, even after finding out I had been there all along."

"Thank you for singing songs everyday, thank you for letting me in and thank you for being my best friend. Thank you for making my days, always - even now, better. Thank you for staying by my side whenever I'm down and cheering me up. Thank you for being you, because Kim Seungmin, I am hopelessly in love with you."

Hyunjin laughs a little, at how much he's said because he really is just a fool for Seungmin. By now, Seungmin has broken eye contact with him and is staring (glaring?) at the ground.

"There's also how-"

"Stop." Seungmin speaks up, startling him.

Oh shit, he thinks. He's messed up.

Hyunjin can feel the unease in his eyes, running in his veins. His palms start to sweat and he chews on his lip.

There is no way out of this now.

He can't jump and say, "just kidding!" when it's obvious he meant every word.

As he waits for Seungmin to say something, _anything_ , he tenses. The air is filled with tension and the sound of cars zooming past sound like white noise to him.

Then, the most unexpected happens.

The flower in his hand is removed, and Hyunjin's eyes widen as it slips from his fingertips.

"Seungmin?"

"Tell me more - next time."

His face is no longer faced down, and he's looking at Hyunjin again.

The relief he feels is unbelievable, but worry makes its way back when he notices that Seungmin's _crying_.

"Seungmin?!" He says again, a little bit louder this time. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

He hops off the swing so quickly, it rattles in his wake.

Before he knows it, he's kneeling in front of Seungmin, hands hesitating to wipe tears off his best friend's face because those chains had been rusty and he doesn't want to dirty him.

"Let's go home, come on, you can take a hot shower and rest."

Hyunjin's already pulling Seungmin to his feet, and his heart yells at him when their hands stay together.

All the way back to his apartment, no words are spoken and there is silence. The only noise made between them are Seungmin's sniffles. 

Somewhere along the way, their fingers intertwine.

In an attempt to calm him down, Hyunjin rubs circles on Seungmin's hand. The slight squeeze he gets in return doesn't go unnoticed.

When they're finally back in the warmth and comfort of his small apartment, Hyunijn never lets go until their shoes are off and he's lightly pushing Seungmin into his bathroom.

"Hold on, I'll get you a towel and some clothes."

He passes them to Seungmin through the tiny space between the door and the frame and makes it a point to turn his head away, just in case.

As the shower runs, Hyunjin tries to relax.

Tea is the first thing he thinks of and he hurries to make some after washing his hands and placing their previously hastily thrown bags to one side.

Steam and the smell of his shampoo wafts through the entire place and that's how he knows Seungmin is done with his shower.

Before he goes to have his own Hyunjin informs him of the tea on the counter and squeezes his arm.

He spends five minutes under scalding hot water trying to sort his thoughts out.

First of all, Seungmin doesn't seem to hate or be repulsed by the idea of him. That's a start. Second of all, he didn't leave halfway as he was rambling about his feelings. Third of all, they held hands (in public!) and Seungmin had let him. Fourth of all, they'd have to talk about it, properly, after he's done with his shower.

Fifth of all, Hyunjin has gone and told his best friend he's in love with him.

And sixth of all, that same best friend is in his apartment (not that it's a rare stay over) and they have to _talk_.

He runs a hand through his soapy hair and lets out a frustrated groan.

This whole flower thing really was a good idea and all, but Seungmin's the only one whom he told about his feelings.

 _Well, yeah, he's the only one you still like, idiot_. A voice that sounds like Jeongin this time counters.

"Shut up." He mumbles into the water.

By the time he's done with his shower, his skin is red from how hot the temperature was and he's still not ready.

Having a one sided rambling session isn't the same as having a conversation.

_Ah, fuck it._

He opens the door, and Seungmin is the first thing (person) his eyes land on because _of course_.

Sitting on his small loveseat, feet propped up and holding his (he's been here enough times to have his own set of everything) drinking the Chamomile tea he brewed.

It's kind of annoying how cute he looks, while Hyunjin is here having more things on his list of 'reasons for death'. 

Seungmin's hair is still damp, which is surprising since he's usually the one nagging at him to dry his hair before he catches a cold.

"Hey," he walks up to figure looking terribly small for someone who's 175 cm. "Didn't you always say to dry your hair right after showering?"

He takes the towel around Seungmin's neck and starts to slowly (lest he spills the tea) run it over his hair.

"Stop," he whines into his cup, making Hyunjin laugh. "You're going to rip all of my hair out."

"Grab the hair dryer, it's in the bathroom cabinet, bottom one." Seungmin orders, still looking at everywhere but him.

So his best friend knows his own apartment better than him, no big deal.

(He hates how it makes his heart jump, and he hates how the idea of moving in together enters his mind.)

"Didn't know you live here, but alright." Hyunjin teases, walking back to the steam filled room.

Hyunjin drags one of his dining chairs from where it's neatly tucked under the table and slams the plug for the hair dryer in.

He pats the chair, loud enough for Seungmin to hear and calls him over.

"Sit, sit!"

“Why do you feel like breaking so many things today?” He asks once he’s seated, and Hyunjin notices he has his glasses on.

Where had they come from?

Not that he’s complaining though, since Seungmin always looks ten times cuter with glasses, no matter what he says. 

“Just felt like it!” Giggling, like he hadn’t just admitted he feels like Hulk, Hyunjin runs a hand through his hair. 

He turns on the speed and heat levels to how he knows Seungmin prefers it to be and starts drying. 

It’s so awfully domestic he wants to kick himself for even suggesting something like this. But Hyunjin doesn’t stop, because he likes playing with his hair. 

Again, the room is quiet, save for the loud whirr coming from the hair dryer. However, it’s a much more peaceful kind of quiet, and they begin to hum random songs to fill in the comfortable silence. 

It feels like nostalgia, even though they’ve done it plenty of times before. 

In this moment though, it feels like they are back in high school again, sitting side by side in the center of the room as Hyunjin reads a book and Seungmin sings a song. The sunlight hitting both of them perfectly and the birds are chirping and it feels great. 

Hyunjin absentmindedly plays with Seungmin’s hair as he finishes up and the urge to kiss the top of his head so sudden yet strong he almost does it. 

“All done!” He announces, just to save himself from being impulsive. 

Seungmin turns, pats his hair, looks up and smiles right at him. 

A shot straight to the heart, direct hit - knockout. 

“Your turn.” Seungmin says, already standing up before Hyunjin can protest and before he knows it he’s sitting on the chair. 

They continue to hum random songs as Seungmin runs his fingers through his hair, untangling the strands that stuck together and everything feels like paradise. 

His mind is free from worry and anxiety, although the battle (is it really?) he started hasn’t ended, he can’t be bothered to think of anything to say. Whatever comes next will come naturally. 

As if the world is against him, his turn ends sooner than expected and he clicks his tongue. 

“What was that?” 

“Nothing.” 

Seungmin laughs anyway, like he knows what Hyunjin is mad (he’s not mad, just annoyed) about and ruffles his dry hair. 

Hyunjin takes the hair dryer from Seungmin and returns it to the bathroom cabinet before going to take a seat next to him on the loveseat. 

Back to square one. 

He coughs, once they’re next to each other and each holding cups of the tea. 

“That was so lame, Hyunjin.” 

“Hey! At least I tried.” He pouts, taking a sip. “‘This is why I rarely speak’, was it?” 

“Don’t make fun of me.” Seungmin pouts right back at him. 

Maybe this won’t be as hard as he thought it would be. 

Hyunjin laughs on instinct, but really, he laughs at everything and yeah, this is happiness. 

“You’re my happiness.” He lets out, kind of breathlessly. 

Immediately after that, he can practically feel the tension come back. Not much he can do about that. 

He waits, seconds and then a few minutes. 

Because Hyunjin sees the way the gears in Seungmin’s head spin, like he’s trying to figure out a particularly difficult problem, so he gives him time. 

Because Seungmin knows, he knows what Hyunjin’s doing when he puts his hand on his knee, when he looks at him softly, not demanding but waiting. 

“Really?” 

The silence is broken and Hyunjin’s heart breaks at the disbelief and doubt present in his voice. 

Inhale. 

“Yeah, I’m a hundred percent positive I’m in love with you.”

Exhale. 

A crack. 

And comes the collapse. 

“Why me?” Seungmin asks, his eyes - his beautiful eyes, staring at the seat. 

Hyunjin knows he’s not talking to his loveseat. 

He also knows that Seungmin isn’t looking for a reply, as he opens his mouth to continue. 

“I’m me, you know? I know you know don’t say anything but,” his fingers play with loose strings coming from the pillow Hyunjin didn’t even realize he picked up. “Are you sure?”

“I’m Kim Seungmin, the boy who hated you for a solid term in our first year.” 

“What?” Hyunjin’s mind, preparing a million and one things as to why he loves Seungmin stops at the latest statement. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt but what?”

The tension thins a little, at the sudden change in topic. 

“You didn’t know?” Seungmin’s laughing a bit, and that causes him to relax, even if he’s just found out the love of his life and best friend hated him for like, three months. 

“I didn’t want to talk to you because I thought you were the type of person who’d be really popular, and that scared me.” He adds on, smiling at the pillow now.

Fingers loop the string around once, twice and then eyes stare straight at Hyunjin. 

“But I think I just didn’t want to admit that I formed the biggest crush on you when you said ‘hi’ to me for the first time.” Seungmin confesses, so softly that he has to lean in to hear.

The fireworks, maybe from their first kiss, appear now. 

“Seriously?” 

It’s his turn to be shocked and in disbelief. 

Seungmin’s eyes break contact, going right back to the pillow. 

“Yeah,” he whispers. “Yeah.” 

“We really are ridiculous.” Hyunjin wants to say more, drop a ‘damn can’t believe we’re soulmates’, but those words don’t come out. 

Not yet, anyway.

Hyunjin is curious though, and it’s going to make the conversation become about him, but he’s dying to know. 

“When did you stop hating me?” He’s smiling, because the whole situation is so amusing and it's cute how Seungmin used to hate him - because he had ( _had? he’ll have to reconfirm_ ) a crush on Hyunjin.

Seungmin hums, squeezes the pillow he’s holding and leans back. 

“Probably… after you came back to the library a second time.” 

His eyes narrow. 

“Why?” 

“Because I didn’t think you’d come back.” 

It really, really sucks how Seungmin can’t see that he’d return to his side no matter what. 

“I did, though.” Hyunjin observes his reaction, hands itching to hold Seungmin’s own. “I always will, I’ll always come back to you.” 

Seungmin giggles, all soft and quiet into the pillow, eyes still avoiding. 

He watches as Seungmin’s shoulders relax (when had they tensed up?) and releases a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. 

“I didn’t believe that, at first.” Seungmin replies, half mumbling. 

“I thought you wouldn’t come back,” he continues. “And I didn’t think we’d actually… become friends.” 

“At one point, I believed you’d get tired of me. But then, the lunch thing started, and the notes and I accidentally started _talking_ to you in class because it felt so natural and maybe, I wanted to have a conversation with you.” He admitted, voice heavy and god, like he wants to cry. 

Hyunjin has never wanted to hug Seungmin so badly before. 

Keep him in his arms, never let go, tell him how important he is, tell him how much Hyunjin loves him because he wouldn’t mind reminding him everyday. 

“And one day, you looked really sad. You know, no matter where you hid, I always managed to find you. I heard you crying before I saw you and when I did - it hurt, seeing you like that.” 

Hyunjins swallows - never mind, he might just start crying first. 

“So I thought, I have to help, because I wanted to. I wanted to help stop your tears because I don’t like it when you’re sad. It makes me sad. Up until then, I never sang right in front of anyone before.” Seungmin’s speaking a little louder this time, though he’s still fixated on the pillow. “I thought I’d get nervous, like I usually do, but I didn’t. In that moment it made me realize you’re special.” 

He listens, he listens so well he can’t tear his eyes off Seungmin, wanting to take in every detail because he’s opening up to Hyunjin. 

He’s letting him in. 

Then the words register. 

Seungmin thinks he’s special. 

(It’s the other way around, though.)

“You make me feel comfortable, I’m always relaxed when I’m with you.” Seungmin chuckles, and Hyunjin isn’t lying when he says he’ll risk it all for one person. 

“Somehow, sitting with you didn’t seem so bad and funnily enough, by the end of the second term, I was worried they’d stop putting us together. I used to think about how much I’d love it if was with anybody but you.” 

Hyunjin laughs at that. He used to wonder the same.

“Hyunjin,” Seungmin says and he grips the cloth of his loveseat in anticipation. “Being with you feels like home too.” 

Oh. 

His nails dig deeper into the fabric, and he hopes he’s not going to end this conversation with fluff flowing out. 

Warmth, everywhere. 

Seungmin is looking straight at him again, and his eyes hold _everything_. They’re shining and he’s smiling. 

It’s blinding, because he could rival the sun. 

It’s blinding, because he is the sun. 

And Hyunjin? He’s not afraid of getting burnt. 

Not anymore.

“You remember right?” Seungmin stutters out when he doesn’t respond. 

“What? Of course I do! I had my eyes closed and when I opened them again you were-,” Hyunjin stops. And something clicks. “Trying to kiss me.” 

Holy shit. 

“Holy shit.” He repeats, out loud. 

Seungmin buries his chin into the pillow, ears red. 

“You didn’t realize?” He whines. “Wait, never mind. It was probably better that you hadn’t.” 

“I can’t believe it never clicked.” Hyunjin has a hand covering his face because he could’ve been dating Seungmin (maybe) years ago. 

A noise erupts from Seungmin, something that sounds like embarrassment and frustration. It’s cute. 

“That was a bad attempt. I should’ve asked first.” 

“Yeah, that’s why I like our actual kiss more.” Hyunjin can’t help but add, seeing the opportunity. 

Laughing at the face Seungmin makes at the pillow when he realizes he can’t hide, Hyunjin ruffles the back of his head. 

“You’re cute, Seungmin.”

He makes a noise into the pillow again, and Hyunjin recalls why he never really brought up their kiss. 

“I’ve been meaning to ask,” he starts slow, not wanting to ruin the good mood they have. “Why did you always avoid talking about it?” 

The air returns to its heavy state, but he knows the silence isn’t uncomfortable. Seungmin’s just thinking how to reply. 

So he gives him time and finally looks away because his reddening ears don’t seem to be cooling down anytime soon.

Cute. 

As he waits, Hyunjin looks around his living room slash kitchen, not like it’s anything he’s never seen before. 

While surveying the area, something that wasn’t there before catches his eye. 

It’s the flower.

And it’s placed carefully in a glass bottle Hyunjin doesn’t recall ever owning with water inside. He had totally forgotten about it. 

The poor thing seems like it’s on its deathbed though, so he reminds himself to drop by Jeongin’s grandmother’s flower shop soon to get another, or four. 

He feels a jab at his side, causing his eyes to snap away from where the flower stands on his kitchen counter. 

“Wh- Yes, sorry.” 

Seungmin snickers, and turns away from him before they can make eye contact. 

Damn.

“I didn’t want to bring the k- kiss up because…” he’s nervous, that much is obvious, so Hyunjin returns to ruffling his hair. 

“Because…” he hears a sharp inhale and nods, letting Seungmin that he can take his time. “I thought… it shouldn’t be anything but just a silly joke and I didn’t want to ruin our friendship so I thought-” 

Hyunjin’s heart breaks again, looking at the way Seungmin wrings his hands together, as he bites his lip, desperately trying to stop himself from crying. 

It wouldn’t be the first time he’s seen him cry, but Hyunjin wishes it’s the last.

“I thought you’d hate me if I ever brought it up again, so I made us pretend it never happened. And-” Seungmin pauses again, to breathe out and it’s a shaky breath. 

Carefully, Hyunjin stretches out his arm, and places his hand on top of Seungmin’s. 

It takes a few seconds, but he relaxes and lets Hyunjin hold his right hand whilst the other continues clutching the pillow. 

He runs his thumb over Seungmin’s like he did on the walk back and smiles when he gets a light squeeze in return. 

“And it hurt.”

Hyunjin understands. 

“It hurt because I would think about it every night and realize that we could never be together and it hurt because I never wanted to leave your side and it hurt because I thought it’d be nice if we could kiss everyday or something but we couldn’t because two guys aren’t supposed to be together and it _hurt_ , when I started to notice the glances you’d give others.”

This, Hyunjin never knew. 

But he gets it. 

“This whole time I would wonder, ‘why can’t it be me?’, but maybe I wasn’t looking hard enough because people - the same people who you’d been pining after, would come up to me one by one to tell me how important I am to you but I could never see it.”

Seungmin laughs, but it holds nothing but sadness and Hyunjin wishes he had admitted all of this sooner, wishes he had said something sooner, wishes he had broken their stupid promise and _talked_.

“Now you’re telling me you’ve been in love with me for so many years and it just feels like a dream and I can’t believe it but oh-” he chokes mid-sentence, and Hyunjin can feel the worry in the way his hand (the other one) rubs his back. 

As Seungmin slowly breathes in and out again, Hyunjin switches the hand that’s interlocked with his with the one on his back, bringing them closer. 

“I wish it were real and that none of this is some kind of sick joke life is giving me because Hwang Hyunjin, I am so, _so_ , so in love with you.”

He’s definitely crying now. 

They both are, Hyunjin notices.

“It sure is real, Kim Seungmin. Because I’m so, _so_ , so in love with you too.”

 

They don’t speak for about an hour, but something has definitely changed. Seungmin’s half in his arms, and they’ve been quietly sobbing the whole time. 

Hyunjin hasn’t really been thinking, choosing to melt in the comfort of Seungmin instead. They’ll figure out the _after_ , later. 

Finally, they stop crying - well, more like he stops crying since Seungmin stopped a while ago, and Hyunjin tries to move because he’s in desperate need of water. 

Except he can’t. 

“Seungmin?” He asks, looking down at the head that’s made its way onto his shoulder. 

He’s greeted with the sight of closed eyes and steady breathing which he hadn’t even noticed. Had he really been just staring into space?

His glasses are squished against his cheek, and probably on the verge of breaking so Hyunjin pushes him lightly until the pressure is gone and shakes him.

“Seungmin, you can’t sleep yet.” 

A whine escapes Seungmin’s lips and he giggles. 

It’s amusing how he’s never stayed up before, not even for an all nighter. 

“Come on, at least brush your teeth first!” Hyunjin tries again, hoping the talk of hygiene will register in his brain. 

It does, as Seungmin sits up immediately, eyes still shut but he’s awake now. 

Sighing, he gets up and shuffles to the bathroom, almost knocking into one of the dining chairs on the way there. 

Once the door clicks shut, Hyunjin puts his head into his hands. 

The urge is let out a scream is very strong, but with the time and the presence of Seungmin right behind a thin door, he’ll save that for another day. 

His brain decides to operate again, and he goes through the past three or so hours in his head. 

He confessed. 

Hyunjin confessed to Seungmin. 

Seungmin confessed to Hyunjin. 

Holy shit. 

What the hell happens now?

He may have gotten crushes easily, but Hyunjin has never actually dated anybody before. 

Hell, he’s never even gotten past the stage of confessing. 

Until today, of course. 

They’d have to talk about it. 

A groan. 

It’s okay, though, because he really wants to be boyfriends so they _will_ communicate and if Seungmin doesn’t want to date then that’s fine. 

He’ll be fine. 

But Hyunjin would really like to be Seungmin’s boyfriend. 

Go on dates… hold hands… _kiss_ … God, does Hyunjin want it all. 

It’s embarrassing how much he’s _thought_ about going out with Seungmin and now that it might actually happen, he has no idea how to feel. 

The door clicks again and Hyunjin jumps. 

He turns around in time to see Seungmin raise a brow as he closes the door behind him and Hyunjin simply giggles before standing up. 

“Whoops?” 

Seungmin makes a pathetic attempt at hitting his arm, before turning off the lights and fan in the living room and making a gesture at the bedroom.

“Go ahead, will be there soon.”

Nodding, Seungmin trudges inside, expression neutral. 

Once Hyunjin’s inside the safety of his bathroom, he covers his face again. 

How could he have forgotten that they share a bed every time Seungmin sleeps over?

While his body moves on auto-pilot, doing his before sleep routine, his mind works extra hard. 

And by working hard he means he’s just repeating, ‘we’re going to be in the same bed’ over and over again because he is a fool. 

Even though he’s sort of freaking out, Hyunjin knows he’ll end up cuddling Seungmin anyway, it’s in his blood to cling onto whoever or whatever’s readily available. 

Still. 

He’s going to be sleeping in the same bed as the person whom he’d just confessed to. 

Hyunjin yells as he brushes his teeth. 

Somehow, his routine ends way too soon, sooner than it usually does and he finds himself hyping himself up outside his bedroom door.

“No big deal, no big deal.” He mutters to himself.

Although it is, as he’s been outside for three minutes and hasn’t made the move to open the damn door. 

It’s long enough for the door to open from the other side, causing him to fall backwards from the surprise and he looks up at Seungmin who’s scratching his tummy.

“What are you doing?” 

Chuckling nervously (he’s not nervous!) as he sits (why did he sit down) on the cold floor, Hyunjin almost suggests sleeping on the sofa. 

He doesn’t get the chance, however, as a hand makes its way in front of his face. 

“Hurry up, it’s cold being alone.” Seungmin doesn’t seem the least bit shy to be _demanding_ Hyunjin be in the same bed as him right now immediately and he gasps. 

As he grabs the hand and pulls himself up, he’s reminded of the time in the library (and many others) when they’d hold hands for a second. 

The flashbacks pass by in an instant, and Hyunjin finds himself teasing Seungmin with, “I can’t believe you’ve grown so dependent on me that you’re asking for cuddles.” 

Seungmin just rolls his eyes and brings Hyunjin to his bed. 

It’s not that big, really, Seungmin’s own is definitely larger, but it fits both of them so it works. 

(When he’d stayed over the first time, Hyunjin was worried that he’d be able to hear how loud and fast his heart was beating, being that close and all. 

Turns out Seungmin was worrying about the same thing.

Though neither of them really paid any mind as they slept curled up against each other.) 

Their hands are still together by the time they’re at the edge, and Hyunjin interlocks their fingers. 

Seungmin looks over his shoulder, but doesn’t let go. 

That’s progress. 

Climbing up the bed together as it shakes under both of their weights is like a punishment game as their hands stay connected throughout the whole process. 

By the time they’re on together, Hyunjin is laughing. 

“What?” Seungmin asks, yawning. 

“We forgot to turn off the lights.” He points upwards with the hand that’s holding Seungmin’s and his face warms up as its on display for both of them to see.

Neither of them move, as they stare at their interlocked hands and it’s so embarrassing Hyunjin wants to turn the air conditioner down just to cool his face. 

At last, Seungmin brings both of their hands back down and lets go. 

(Sad.)

He shifts, until he’s on his side and facing Hyunjin and whispers, “Go turn them off then, silly.” 

The way his heart does fifty thousand backflips is annoying, when all Seungmin did was speak.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” He responds, being five and everything and switches the lights off, surrounding them in total darkness. 

It’s unlike Seungmin’s room, which has glow in the dark stickers plastered on the ceiling and walls. Hyunjin had bought them for his apartment, because it’s cute. And his reaction had been cute. 

“You’re cute.” Hyunjin ends up saying, when he’s beside Seungmin again.

Damn, he should’ve gotten those stickers for his room too, as he realizes he can’t see Seungmin’s reaction. 

“Are you blushing right now?” Hyunjin half whispers, half shouts, excitedly. 

A hand slaps his side, and he bursts into laughter. 

“Shut up.” Seungmin hisses. 

Hyunjin feels for Seungmin’s cheek and rests his hand there, in a useless attempt to check if he’s red. 

It’s warm.

“Your cheek is warm,” he points out his observation out loud. “I want to see you.” 

If possible, the cheek gets warmer. 

“Shut up…” comes the reply, though it’s more whiny and quieter. 

Hyunjin just giggles, thumb running smooth circles against his cheek. 

He shuffles closer, as his eyes start to adjust to the darkness and watches as Seungmin’s eyes flutter shut and woah, he’s gorgeous. 

Not that he hadn’t known before, and it’s not the first time he’s seen him up close, but Seungmin looks stunning.

“You’re really pretty.” Hyunjin whispers properly this time, thumb still on cheek. “I love you.”

A response doesn’t come, and he shrugs. 

That’s how he falls asleep, face inches away from Seungmin’s own and hand resting numbly on his face. 

Along the night, Seungmin’s arm made its way to Hyunjin’s waist and it felt like home. 

Being with Seungmin was like being at home, after all. 

It was the first night Hyunjin had gone through, where his dreams weren’t nightmares, where his dreams started with kissing Seungmin and didn’t end with crying. Where his dreams were peaceful and filled with love. 

The best dream he’s ever had. 

 

* * *

When he wakes up the next morning, Hyunjin sits up immediately when he finds the other side empty. 

Eyes not fully open, mind not fully awake, he stumbles out of his room and relaxes when he smells food being made. 

“What are you doing?” He hears from his kitchen as he leans against his door, too relieved to move. 

“Nothing, nothing.” Hyunjin replies, throat way too dry and heart still beating way too quickly. “I’m gonna wash up now.”

“Sure.”

Inside his bathroom, Hyunjin splashes his face with water so many times his entire mirror is dripping and his hairband is damp. 

He stares at his reflection, distorted because of the water and breathes out.

“This is real.”

Confessing to Seungmin hadn’t been a dream, falling asleep with him hadn’t been a dream, not waking up crying hadn’t been a dream. 

Everything is real. 

“Holy shit.” He says again, still under his breath because holy shit. 

Brushing his teeth at a way too fast speed he’s out in the living room before he knows it and his heart leaps (with happiness) at the sight of Seungmin’s back facing him. 

Like the clingy person he is, Hyunjin’s arm finds its way around Seungmin’s waist and his chin rests on his shoulder. 

“What are you making?” He asks, despite knowing what it is from the white and yellow on the pan. 

Seungmin hums, grinning slightly as he shifts the fried egg around. “Not sure, maybe you know?” 

Hyunjin laughs, loud and carefree at the sarcastic reply and Seungmin turns a little, until their faces are _really_ fucking close. 

He’s tilting his head up, a little, to meet Hyunjin’s gaze and he’s whipped. 

His eyes are sparkling again - with mischief this time, and it’s tearing him apart. 

Thinking fuck it, Hyunjin tilts his head, ready to give Seungmin the best second kiss _ever_ when the oil pops and makes an extremely loud sizzle. 

Immediately, their heads turn away from each other and Hyunjin’s face is definitely red - no questions about it.

Hiding his face on Seungmin’s shoulder, he groans. 

“I hate oil.”

His body shakes as he laughs and Hyunjin stops hiding just to take steal a glance (or sixty) of Seungmin. 

He’s laughing, with his teeth out and it’s adorable - like a puppy. His face is as red as his and yeah, Hyunjin wants to smother him in kisses so bad. 

“Eggs are done, move.”

Stepping out of the way, Hyunjin sets up the really sad dining table (there are only two chairs and the table is a square) with plates and he gets the bread. 

Usually, Seungmin would eat something more Korean, but whenever he stays over they have bread with egg or the ever classic cereal. 

It’s routine and Hyunjin is hit with the _want_ of living together again. 

He has to go through the hurdle of asking what happens after their confessions first though. 

“So-”

“We-” 

They both clear their throats, and Hyunjin lightly the pokes the yolk of his egg. 

He doesn’t even like egg that much, not that Seungmin needs to know that. 

“You first.” Hyunjin finally says, letting Seungmin speak.

“We should talk… about what happens now.” 

The mood is awkward, so awkward Hyunjin could die but it’s fine. They’ll overcome it, together. 

“Yeah,” he replies, stabbing the yolk until it bursts. “What are we?”

“I think it’d be nice if we went out or something… I don’t know.” Seungmin blurts out, eyes fixated on his fried eggs. 

Hyunjin snorts, of course he’d want that too.

“Me too, except I really want to be your boyfriend and call you my boyfriend.”

At the word boyfriend, Seungmin looks away from his eggs and directly at Hyunjin. 

His mouth open in an ‘o’ shape as his eyes are wide. 

“I- Forget everything I said, I want to be boyfriends too.” 

He smiles so fast and wide it hurts. 

Throughout breakfast, they kick each other under the table (okay, it’s just him) and they physically can not stop themselves from grinning. 

It’s cute, the way Seungmin stares at him for a few seconds and turns away like he hadn’t just been caught. 

It’s also cute, the way Seungmin gets red when he sees Hyunjin staring just as long, if not even longer. 

When their plates are clean and they’re doing the dishes, he tries to ignore how domestic spending his days with Seungmin is. 

They stand side by side, even though the sink isn’t big enough for two people to share and wash everything.

Occasionally, Hyunjin bumps shoulders with Seungmin, just because he can and it’s adorable how Seungmin pouts in mild annoyance. 

That’s his boyfriend, he reminds himself. 

The reminder almost causes him a plate, and a smack to his back but it’s all good because he catches it before it slips out of his hands. 

“Hyunjin!” Comes the exasperated sigh when he looks at Seungmin, giggling as the plate made him gasp in horror. 

“Don’t drop the plate like Changbin dropped his birthday cake, _please_.” 

Hyunjin only throws his head back and laughs harder and louder at the mention of the Cake Incident. 

Seungmin rolls his eyes, puts the plates back onto the rack to dry and walks out of the kitchen, Hyunjin following closely behind. 

Before he can make it to the loveseat, Hyunjin tackles him, causing both of them to land onto the sofa with a loud ‘thump’.

It’s a surprise they didn’t break it. 

“You have class.” Seungmin points out once Hyunjin has his arms wrapped around him and they’re laying against each other. 

Hyunjin makes a noise of disapproval, and hides his face in the crook of Seungmin’s neck, whining, “I don’t want to go to class when I can cuddle my _boyfriend_ all day long.”

The way Seungmin stiffens under him is hilarious, reminding him of the time he called him his best friend. 

But now they’ve upgraded and Hyunjin’s boyfriends with his best friend. Kind of amazing, honestly. 

Pro-tip: Date your best friend. 

Sighing in content, he squirms until his hand makes its way to the back of Seungmin’s head and he starts playing with the hair there. It’s his favourite way to be calmed down. 

“You have class…” Seungmin tries again, though it’s obvious he’s giving in.

Hyunjin hums, and lightly kisses his neck, since he can now. 

“Hey!” 

Chuckling, he doesn’t make an effort to stop, it’s not anything serious anyway. He’s just peppering his boyfriend in kisses like he’s been wanting to do for awhile now.

(If you can even consider four years ‘a while’.)

They have a lot of time and Hyunjin has a lot of affection to spare. 

“You have like, ten minutes to get ready.” 

Guess he said that out loud. 

“And? Your neck and my lips can do this for those ten minutes.” 

Seungmin huffs, and he can’t really see but he thinks he put his arm over his face. 

Is he embarrassed? Hyunjin wants to see. 

_But the neck_ , his mind complains. 

_You can do that another time_. 

So he dislocates himself from where he was attached to and looks up. 

True enough, Seungmin has his face covered, and he’s bright red. 

Yellow has always been his colour, in Hyunjin’s opinion, but maybe he’s starting to love the colour red on Seungmin.

Maybe he can convince him to dye his hair. 

“Babe?”

A noise that sounds like a mix of desperation and embarrassment escapes from Seungmin who’s still hiding even though he’s crushing his glasses.

“Pet names? Seriously?”

He laughs, and he can’t stop smiling because this must be it - happiness and home and love and everything he’s ever felt for Seungmin is falling out at an extremely quick pace he feels so grateful to be alive. 

“Yeah.” Hyunjin says totally fond and it’s sickening how much of an effect Seungmin has on him.

In an attempt to shift himself so he’s eye to eye with Seungmin, he moves until he’s hovering on top of him and the scene of Seungmin peeking at him over his arm looks straight out of his daydream in high school Hyunjin ends up collapsing.

“Ouch,” Seungmin heaves. “Are you okay?”

Hyunjin’s squished against him again, which is totally fine but he really lost all the strength in his arms because Seungmin is _that_ beautiful and _real_ and nothing is a fantasy and _wow_.

“You’re so pretty I stopped breathing, so no I’m not okay.” Hyunjin mumbles into Seungmin’s chest and kicks his feet which dangle over the edge of the armrest. “Take responsibility.”

“Maybe if you got ready for your lecture I’ll consider.” 

Without even knowing what Seungmin will do, he shoots up and off and scurries to get changed. 

As he shrugs off his shirt he makes a mental list of what he needs to put in his bag and remembers he doesn’t ever need to pack it and celebrates. The faster Hyunjin gets ready, the faster he can be with Seungmin before he gets pushed out of his apartment. 

They won’t see each other for _hours_ , he needs to fuel up before he leaves. 

Shrugging on his jacket, despite still being indoors, he walks back towards the sofa to see Seungmin still laying on it like a fish. 

“I’m done, where’s my reward?” Hyunjin asks, half sitting on the back of his loveseat and openly admiring him. 

Seungmin smiles, and it’s getting ridiculous how it still makes him blink rapidly and his heart race.

“Are you leaving now?” 

“Not if you don’t send me off.” Hyunjin grins and he’s so glad there’s no way to look at himself right now because he must look disgustingly endeared. 

With an eye roll and a dramatic show of getting off the couch, Seungmin finally disconnects from it and pulls Hyunjin to his entryway. 

“Bye.” Seungmin announces, in the most bored tone ever and Hyunjin immediately pouts. 

“I haven’t even put on my shoes!” 

Seungmin sighs, and he can recognize that it’s one full of fondness and he sees him lean against the wall out of the corner of his eye as he puts on his Vans. 

When Hyunjin’s done typing his laces, double knot, because it’s a pain to re-tie them, he’s ambushed by a hug. 

“See you later.” Seungmin grumbles into his neck and before he can register what the hell’s going on, steps back from Hyunjin.

“Oh my God?”

The smirk Seungmin gives him is _killing_ him and he’s numb.

“One more time!” Hyunjin yells, heart beating so fast there’s no way it’s normal. 

“No way.” 

“Please, please please pl-” He whines, stomping his foot in exaggeration. 

“I’m going to kiss you now.” Seungmin suddenly says, cutting him off. 

Hyunjin simply stares, the words flying right over his head as Seungmin shuffles forward and his brain only begins functioning again when they’re a tiny inch apart. 

“Okay.” 

Like they’ve done this a million times before, his arms make their way around Seungmin’s waist and pull him closer. 

Hyunjin feels hands cupping his cheeks and he giggles. 

“Stop laughing.” Seungmin complains, no real bite to it and bumps his forehead against his. 

It takes him a total of twenty seconds before he actually leans in, and another two more before their lips are pressed together. 

That’s fine though, Hyunjin has always liked it when Seungmin takes his time. 

They kiss until their faces and bodies grow warm, and they can hear each other’s heartbeats. One arm moves from where it’s placed nicely on Seungmin’s waist to the back of his neck, pushing him a little.

He gets a small groan in return and yeah, Hyunjin could do this all day. 

Nails dig slightly into his back and that’s kind of hot - if he’s being honest. 

Too quickly, Seungmin taps him lightly and they seperate, Hyunjin desperately looking everywhere but at his boyfriend’s lips because they’re swollen and red and he’s panting and it’s suddenly way too warm in his apartment.

“How come you’re pressed against the wall?” Hyunjin asks, out of it and confused to see Seungmin’s back literally glued to his white wall. 

“You pushed me there, idiot.” Seungmin huffs, still breathing heavily and his entire face is glowing. 

Noticing how messy his hair is makes Hyunjin grin ten times wider. 

“Nice hairstyle.” 

“I hate you.” 

Hyunjin plays with the parts that have managed to stick up (did he do that?) and presses them down, fingers curling around a few strands while he’s at it. 

Cute.

“Come on, you have to go or you’ll be late for class.” Seungmin demands, moving his arm away from his head, but not letting go.

Pouting, Hyunjin fake wails, “I don’t wanna go to school!” 

“Please act your age.” Seungmin replies, smiling while managing to sound completely done with his shit. 

And even though he wants Hyunjin to leave, he hasn’t let go of his arm. 

He glances at the clock nearby, and sighs. 

If he doesn’t leave now he’ll never make it, the university is terribly strict about punctuality too. 

What a pain. 

Sliding his arm backwards, Hyunjin holds Seungmin’s hand and cheekily smiles as he places a kiss on his cheek - right where his mole is. 

“I’m off then, see you later sunshine.”

As he walks out of the door he catches the way Seungmin’s eyebrows furrow and the way his face starts to heat up and laughs as he struggles to respond. 

 

On the way to school, he’s in high spirits and only grins harder and wider when he receives a message (or two). 

> _have a good day, idiot._
> 
> __
> 
> _love you._

 

* * *

once hyunjin leaves, it takes seungmin about ten whole minutes before he can walk back to sit down. 

nobody will ever know that he straight up collapsed onto hyunjin’s dining chair and nobody will ever know that his heart was still racing even though their kiss had been almost half an hour ago. 

if you asked seungmin when he was sixteen whether he thought he’d ever get into a relationship, he’d have laughed at the idea because that's _impossible_. 

now, he gets the last laugh. 

staring at the _gardenia_ hyunjin had given him, he watches as petals are already dropping off. 

honestly, he had searched up what kind of flower it is as soon as he woke up and saw it on the kitchen counter. 

it was so like hyunjin to give his crushes flowers, utilizing their meanings instead of outright telling them what he really felt. 

yet, it came as a surprise when he actually confessed to seungmin, because he had _never_ noticed the way hyunjin felt for him. 

and seungmin is plenty observant. 

of course he’s happy though, he’s liked hyunjin since their first meeting, no matter how much he tried to deny it and it had become love when they became actual friends. 

seungmin would have never thought his (initially) small crush on the pretty boy who happened to be his desk mate for three years would eventually become his boyfriend. 

back then, he would have also never thought that the boy he had been trying to avoid would start to actively search for him, to the point of staying with him during every break. 

just thinking about it makes seungmin break out into a smile because - really, when hyunjin is like that, how could he have _not_ fallen in love?

resting his chin on the dining table, he watches the way the sun hits the glass bottle the flower is inside perfectly, making it look somewhat magical. 

he silently apologizes to hyunjin’s neighbours directly below as he stands up so fast the chair scrapes against the floor loudly and he rushes to get his camera.

(the same one, which seungmin had found out a year later was half paid by hyunjin. his first ever camera and his best friend who had been working two part time jobs at that time helped fund for. 

again, how could he have not fallen in love.)

the pictures come out prettily, of course, and he stares at them for longer than necessary. 

it’s also annoying how fast his heart is beating when he remembers the meaning of the flower - and he blushes again. 

hyunjin makes him feel _things_ and it shows so easily, how did he not realize he’s been in love with him since high school?

calm down seungmin, he tells himself as he imports the best pictures to his phone and just as he’s about to send them to hyunjin, he gets a new notification. 

it’s a reply to the message he had sent when he was leaning back against the wall in shock at the entryway after hyunjin had left. 

> _Love you too ;-)_

seungmin places a hand on the table for support and screeches.

he manages to type a reply, attach the pictures of the flower in a minute and ends up flopping onto the loveseat after hitting send. 

hwang hyunjin is going to be the death of him. 

a notification pops up and catches his eye, and he smiles into one of the pillows. 

> _**secret love, self-reflection, you’re lovely, dreams, hope** _
> 
> _not so secret anymore_
> 
> __
> 
> __
> 
> _you’re lovely too btw_

 

> _It’s pretty_
> 
> _And_
> 
> _I know_
> 
> _Thank you_
> 
> _💜_

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed it n hope u have a good day
> 
> [twt](http://twitter.com/owoaus) (doing a seungbin au so check it out if u want)  
> [cc](%E2%80%9Ccuriouscat.me/owoaus%E2%80%9D)


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